American Idle

It's kinda like American Idol, but only if you sing my posts out loud.

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Location: Hamilton Square, New Jersey, United States

Tax guy, host & producer of the Consumerism Commentary Podcast, former co-host of the Wall Street Journal E-Report

Friday, July 28, 2006 gets noticed

So, after about a month or so of about a dozen visitors a day, Awfulblogs gets noticed by Woot! on Wednesday and traffic shoots up to over 550 visitors.

How sweet is that? Now I'm going to have to get off my ass and post more than just once a week to keep these people coming back. Well, okay, tecnically I have to *stay* on my ass to continue posting, but you know what I mean.

UPDATE: Chalk up a notice by IT World too. Sweet!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006 a whole new meaning to "run down"

The running joke among my frends about Levittown (PA) is that visiting there is like stepping back into the '80's. Having a friend there (who still visits this site, I think) and hanging out there regularly in the mid-nineties, I assure you there was no shortage of black "KISS" t-shirts, mullets, wigwam socks and hair metal being played...and that was just at her house! (I keed! I keed!). However, being white trash myself in a polo shirt, I always felt right at home. So although I mock it, I've always embraced it.

But since I've been married and have been keeping busy raising a family, I don't hang out like I used to and it's been a while since I've been there. But on Sunday, the family and I crossed the Pennsylvania border and go to Mealey's to go look for children's furniture. As we leave it's approaching lunch time, so we decide to hit a local restaurant. Spotting Fuddruckers over to the left (as we're approaching Oxford Valley Mall), I say to the wife "you know, I've always wanted to go to Fuddruckers...let's check it out". So I make the left heading towards the Levittown Parkway and as we approach the restaurant, we realize it's boarded up.

With our first choice of lunch scuttled, we head over to the nearby we were going to hit the one in Hamilton anyway...and eat lunch at the McDonalds nearby instead. After McDonalds we head over to Wal-Mart and, as I'm parking, there's a car in the parking lot giving a parked car a jump. Not thinking anything of it, I pass that scene and park my car. As I'm getting ready to unstrap my son, a lady in a parked car in front of us (unrelated to the other dead car) says *her* car is having problems and asks to use my cell phone. She had two kids with her and, apparently, there were some electrical issues with the alarm as everytime she opened the door the alarm started going off...and with the sound of a battery that's about to die. I let her use my phone and we head over to Wal-Mart. As I'm walking away, the lady stops me and says, "oh you can't go in there..the store's lost power and they're not letting anyone in!"

So not only are there two cars in the parking lot without juice, but Wal-Mart's also without power. It was like a UFO had just flown overhead and all the electronic devices in the immediate area went dead.

So, to recap, within a one hour time frame in Levittown I experience:

  1. A boarded up Fuddruckers
  2. A powerless Wal-Mart
  3. A dead car in the Wal-Mart parking lot
  4. Another car with electrical issues just 20 feet away

Just when you think your Levittown joke well has run dry, the town provides you with more fodder. I love that city.

Fortunately, before the general aura of Levittown blight was able to rest upon us, we managed to escape town with full battery power, good health and an undamaged credit report.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Left wing nuts in Mexico apparently no different from the ones up here

Bitter, angry, sore losers who are always feeling that they've been wronged. If nothing else, the extreme left-wingers are consistent...

"Calderon was already reaching out to other parties to build a "unity government," while his rival, Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, blamed fraud for his narrow loss in the vote count and called on his supporters to fill Mexico City's main square Saturday in a show of force."

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Can't anyone just ride a bike without stupid clothing anymore?

Is it just me, or has it become a requirement for every adult wear ridiculous clothing while riding their bikes? Everytime I see a "cyclist", they're wearing an aerodynamic helmet and an obnoxiously over-sponsored spandex outfit.

What slapass came up with this idea? Have we become so smug and elitist of a society that riding a bike requires a tight shirt with a sponsor list that would put any NASCAR vehicle to shame? Can't anyone just go out and ride a bike anymore?

Maybe I missed the memo and every adult has been drafted by a cycling team. Or at least the good ones. Going outside on a bike without standardized attire means public ridicule if caught. Imagine the humiliation of being isolated in a desolated parking lot and circled by five punks in neon green jerseys with "ROYCE UNION", "NIKE" and "MOTOROLA" insignias on them. I don't know if I can deal with that.

I need my own customized outfit. If anyone can make one for me, here's the requirements:

  • Size 3X spandex. Cameltoe-like shorts a necessity with silver & black Zubaz stripes to reflect my Raiders fandom
  • A "Houses of the Holy" logo on the front
  • Sponsorship logos from Pizza Hut, Hoagie Haven, Best Buy, Rita's Water Ice, Michele Lorie Cheesecakes, and EA Sports. And that doesn't meet the quota, you can add Starbucks, Halo Pub and Burger King. Oh, and AwfulBlogs too because there should be at least one shameless personal promotion.
  • A baseball cap fitted with a bicycle seat on top to simulate an aerodynamic helmet
If anyone wants to go riding with me in similar attire, let me know. It's apparent we're not safe unless we join a team.

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