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Location: Hamilton Square, New Jersey, United States

Tax guy, host & producer of the Consumerism Commentary Podcast, former co-host of the Wall Street Journal E-Report

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Birth parent search update: Pretty much over

Well, I met today with the rep at Children's Home Society who was handling my case. Since the last news was given to me in my car on a cell phone on vacation and I had to rely on my memory, I wanted to confirm what was going on as well as explore other options.

Pretty much everything I mentioned before was true, with one exception. It turns out that the half brother that I mentioned before wasn't put up for adoption. He was being raised by her. What CHS gathered from the angry husband was that when my half brother went into the military, he had to contact his birth father to inform him. When that happened, the birth father came after our birth mother for money he claimed was owed to him. So that was what happened.

I tried to push my idea of signing a mutual waiver where both parties would agree not to pursue each other's assets. This way I could tell her I wasn't out for anything while also protecting my ass...ets. But the CHS rep wasn't too optimistic.

Through verbal and nonverbal communication, she relayed to me that her conversation with my birth mother's current husband wasn't a pleasant one. I know she said that he was not happy calling her and I could tell that she was shaken from the ordeal. She said that during the whole conversation he was on the verge of hanging up on her and she had to really walk a thin line between getting information and pushing too hard and losing him completely. She seemed pretty confident that this was an abusive relationship (she's a social worker, she should know) and didn't want to push the envelope too much for fear of making matters worse. He also made it clear that they did not want to be contacted again.

So, that's it. On a positive note, she did say that there have been cases where the mother has called back several months later after a change of heart. She also said to keep my contact information current with them at all times in case something like this happens...even if it's years later, they'd still call me if something like that happened.

Again, while this is a disappointment, I'm not really upset about it. It's a shame that it had to end with an "incomplete" grade, but it is what it is. This is what she wanted 35 years ago (anonymity) and this is what she still wants. I fulfilled what I wanted to do...initiate the search. I didn't want to find myself ten or twenty years down the road, being too late and regret not doing it sooner. So although I don't have closure regarding her information, I do have closure with my conscience.


Blogger Darren said...

At least you tried, and at least you know, so that's worth something. Like you said, there's nothing more you can do, but at least you won't have the regret of never even giving it a shot.

11/02/2005 8:57 AM  

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