American Idle

TomTom coupon FAIL

2009-07-09T09:30:00.004-04:00

A couple of weeks back, I received notification from TomTom...the GPS I use...that there was a new Homer Simpson voice that could could be downloaded. Apparently, Homer would now be able to guide me on my journeys. Being a long time Simpsons fan, I was intrigued. I checked out the website and they wanted $12.95 for it. Fair enough, but given my current employment situation, not a purchase I could justify. So I forgot about it.

Then, yesterday, I received an email from TomTom that they would send me a $10 coupon if I went out to my online TomTom profile and verified my personal data. Seeing an opportunity to purchase Homer's voice for $2.95, I did as they asked. As promised, my $10 coupon was emailed to me this morning. Since I figured this seemed too good to be true, I double checked the legalese on it, and saw "Product purchase total must exceed $10. Coupon must be used on TomTom.com." Perfect.

But redeeming this coupon didn't go as I had hoped. When I went out to TomTom's website, clicking on the Homer option forced me to launch the TomTom application on my computer. Sounded right to me, since that's how I manage the content of my GPS. So the checkout procedure continued via the application. But when I got to the final credit card step, there was no option to enter my coupon code. Being a trusting guy with some programming knowledge, I figured that when they wrote the app they probably overlooked the coupon redemption option. So, with no way to continue this transaction with a $10 savings, I contacted the TomTom help desk. The rep I talked to was confused about the coupon and said he wasn't aware of any promotion. After putting me on hold to talk to someone, he came back and told me that there was a "misprint" and that you can't use the coupon for downloads, only accessories that can be shipped. He then told me if I went to the legal section of TomTom, I'd see that. I let it drop because I didn't feel like pushing this further for a $13 purchase. But I'll say this.

If someone screwed up a coupon, whatever was issued should be honored at face value.
Don't tell someone to go out to the legal section for more info if that caveat isn't even mentioned on the coupon.
TomTom left a sour taste in my mouth

You can see the coupon here to see exactly how it was worded.

Don't call it a comeback

2007-10-24T18:45:00.000-04:00

Hey. Remember this? Looks like it's coming back in WSJ Radio podcast form. Stay tuned. Literally.

How to get around Flickr photo protection

2007-10-23T21:01:00.000-04:00

Ever find a cool photo on Flickr, but when you went to save it you only wound up with a useless (and oddly named) spaceball.gif file in your directory?

Here's how to get around photo protection on Flickr using Firefox. (IE directions may differ slightly)

From the page with the protected photo click on "View", then "Page Source".
Do a search (ctrl-f) for "jpg". Look for a string of text similar to "farm3.static.flickr.com%2F23127%2F3fErd08_723455d5a7.jpg". This is actually telling you the location of the file on the Flickr servers.
Open up a new tab or browser window and copy that text into the URL line. Don't hit enter just yet.
You should see two occurrences of "%2F" in the text string. Replace them with a forward slash (/). The text should now look like ""farm3.static.flickr.com/23127/3fErd08_723455d5a7.jpg". Hit enter. You should now see the protected photo and be able to view it normally.

In addition, depending on how the person uploaded the photo, you may be able to view larger sizes. Try these tricks.

The "original" is usually the largest photo available. To view the original, place an "_o" after the file name and before the ".jpg". (ex. instead of 1234.jpg, try 1234_o.jpg) If that doesn't work, the next best bet is the "large" file. Try "_b" instead to view the large size (ex. instead of 1234.jpg, try 1234_b.jpg)

Sometimes the "_o" and "_b" work, sometimes they don't. Again, it depends on how the person uploaded the photo.

Apparently, I've been incredibly boring recently

2007-09-27T02:02:00.000-04:00

...the truth is, the free time just isn't around anymore. Or at least, when it is, I just haven't prioritized my blogging duties.

So let's briefly recap my last few months. The bosses at work decided they only needed four shift managers, not five, to operate our 24x7 environment. As a result, my Mon-Thu 2PM-Midnight schedule became Tue-Fri 6PM-4AM (with alternating Fridays off).

While this isn't a full blown "3rd Shift" schedule, it may as well be. I come home at 4:30 AM, fall asleep at 5:30, get woken up at 6:30 AM by the wife's alarm, sleep intermittently until she's finished getting ready and leaves for work at 8, wake up again at 11, do my internet routine, eat lunch, fall back asleep at noon, wake up at 2:30 PM, shower, pick up kids from grandmom's at 3:30, come home, eat, leave for work at 5:15. Rinse, repeat. The one redeeming item is that her mother's been sleeping over on the nights I work, taking over the nightly baby feedings from us. Without her, I'd probably sleep even less.

And when I *am* off, I find myself trying to adjust to a normal sleep schedule, which still doesn't happen. Because I've agreed to baby duties until 3 AM due to my night owl schedule, I still sleep for about three hours before getting woken up to feed Grace.

As for semi-interesting things going on in my life, let's see...my hard drive died on my 4-year old computer about two months ago...the first time that's EVER happened to me. Apparently, freezing the hard drive has worked wonders for other people, but not for me. I bought a hard disk enclosure (that allowed me to connect it to another PC via a USB cable), froze the hard drive for three days, kept the whole damn enclosure in the freezer while I had cables running out of it to my wife's laptop...all to no avail. So I've spent the last couple of weeks of free time configuring my new computer to try to get it to the same standards as my old PC. It's amazing how much crap I had installed on there that was essential to my needs. And none of it games either.

Speaking of games, I finally got around to moving my Xbox back into my basement. It just wasn't getting played upstairs, plus I had no hard-wired network connection to hook it up to. I think I went, like, six months without being on Xbox Live.

So, uh, that's pretty much it. Matt's turning three on Friday and we're heading up to the Berkshires next week for our annual foliage trip. If I'm lucky and if I actually get a @#!*% internet connection, I may post about it.

No matter how futuristic sci-fi movies are supposed to be, something always dates them

2007-08-09T01:04:00.000-04:00

I'm well overdue for a post here, so I'm going to offer up a profound observation.

No matter how futuristic a sci-fi movie or TV show is, they're always somehow dated by the era it was created in.

Although this is nothing new, it really hit me while watching Star Trek IV the other day (a movie I TiVo'd since I haven't seen it in its entirety since it was released). It didn't matter if they were in the 23rd, 24th, or 80th century. Shatner's toupee and Catherine Hicks' hairstyles were pure 80's. And if you go back to the beginning of Star Trek and look at the episodes...particularly the "hippie" episode, you realize it's a parallel time line. It's like at some point in the future, history will repeat itself chronologically in the form of bad culture and bad hair.

Other examples off the top of my head:

Mark Hamill's hair in Star Wars. Fortunately, no known culture had Princess Leia's "cinnamon bun" hairstyle, so I can give them a flyer on that one.
Logan's Run. Were we supposed to be doomed to wear bad, oddly striped jumpsuits in the late 90's?
Buck Rogers in the 25th Century. Please, PLEASE tell me that Earth will not be once again populated by a society that finds disco roller-skating entertaining. I mean, seriously, I swear these horrible scenes are why you don't see this show in syndication.

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Asshole, A-S-S-H-O-L-E, Asshole

2007-06-14T19:30:00.000-04:00

Talk about mixed emotions. Part of me thinks this little dweeb could use a good cock-punching and the other part of me is thoroughly enjoying watching the vapid CNN hostess get embarrassed.

Note: I'm hearing some whispers that this kid might have Asperger Syndrome. If that's the case, I'm truly sorry. But until that's proven, the kid still seems like a jerk to me.

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I present to you: Doobie, your "hot blogger"

2007-06-06T08:01:00.000-04:00

Last month over at the female sports blog, Ladies..., they issued a call to arms for "hot" male bloggers. My ego stoked (for some strange reason), I threw my hat in the ring with the thinnest looking photo I could find, barring something from 3rd grade. Hey, if nothing else, I got to promote my new Bruins blog ( The Spoked B). Anyway, they released the brackets today and yours truly got a 12 seed (out of 22) in the "AFC North" bracket, meaning that the girls there thought I was more attractive than 10 other guys in my bracket...woohoo!

Of course, my plan to promote my new blog was foiled as they listed my OLD blog (Ghosts of the Garden) which was where my "submission entry" came from (at the time, I didn't have enough decent content at The Spoked B).

So, if you want to stuff the ballot box for your old buddy Doob (or against me, just to squash any delusions of grandeur I might get), you can vote in the AFC North bracket here.

Wow

2007-05-23T07:33:00.001-04:00

It's amazing how much free time has gone out the window with a 2nd child to look after. Well, that and also running a 2nd site which I ALSO don't have time for.

But it's okay, nothing much is new...a lack of free time means a lack of new and interesting things accomplished. You know. Because my life was so interesting before.

What happened to all the white Americans in kids shows?

2007-04-13T18:19:00.000-04:00

(Disclaimer: the below is meant to be funny. Please don't railroad me out of town like Imus.)

With a 2 1/2 year old and a TiVo, I've been immersed in pretty much every kids show known to man. Sesame Street, Barney, Blue's Clues, the list goes on. What amazes me about these shows is how forcibly diversified each one of these shows are. Now, I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it's amusing how they seem to go out of their way to include at least one or two minorities in every program. Not only that, but with more and more shows being produced outside of this country like Caillou (Canada) and Kipper (UK), finding a white American is hard to come by.

Let's examine the TV shows my son watches.

Sesame Street - one of the pioneers in the field of children's programming as well as in promoting diversity. Let's look at the primary human characters of the show. Gordon, Susan (when she's even around anymore) and their son Miles are black. Luis, Maria and their daughter Gabi are Hispanic. The only white people are Gina and Bob (and let's face it...something's just not right about Bob). There WAS Mr. Hooper who ran a convenience store in the 70s, but he died off and was replaced by Alan, an Asian (an Asian taking over the local convenience store? Impossible!). And that's not it, they apparently felt that Mexicans weren't represented enough so they had to introduce a Mexican Muppet named Rosita. Incredibly, Muppet labor was cheaper than just going out and hiring a real Mexican to be a cast member. Not only that, but one of the animated skits revolves around a young black kid in a wheelchair who like to play basketball. His name? Traction Jackson. Wait...Traction Jackson?! Apparently it wasn't stereotypical enough to put a basketball in a black kid's hands, but they had to be insensitive about his handicap too?
Dora the Explorer - a Hispanic kid of unknown Latin American origin, neglected by her parents and forced to use her imagination to take her on incredible quests. Dora apparently feels the need to interject Spanish words into every other sentence, confusing many young viewers of the show. I can see the "What the f*$%?" look on my son's face whenever she tells her viewers to "say rojo!".
Go, Diego, Go! - Dora's cousin. Not only does he feel the need to throw Spanish words around like frisbees, he also introduces seriously exotic animals like spectacled bears, macaroni penguins, and pygmy marmosets. What the fuck is that all about? What happened to horses, cows, or other animals our kids might actually encounter on this continent? And what's with the need for everyone to need to know how to speak Spanish, anyway? To communicate with our landscapers? The hell with that, they should have more India-based shows so that our kids will know how to speak to that AT&T representative on the phone.
Caillou - Bingo! A white kid! What's that? Oh wait, he's Canadian, not American. Dammit!
Backyardigans - Okay, there's a penguin named Pablo (Hispanic), a moose named Tyrone (black), some odd pink creature named Uniqua (black), a kangaroo named Austin (white) and hippo named Tasha (white). I don't know what "backyards" these guys play in, but I suspect there were former characters named "Kyle" and "Brandon" who moved away after their parents hastily sold their houses at reduced prices.
Blue's Clues - One of the few shows where pretty much every character is either white or seem to be white-oriented (aside from being tagged with a different color, like Periwinkle or Green Puppy). Wow, how the hell did they pull this off? Who produces this show, the Ku Klux Klan?

I think I got them all but, hey, if you can think of more, by all means chime in.

A musical alternative to March Madness

2007-03-15T19:54:00.000-04:00

How about a musical equivalent for March Madness? Over at bandmadness.net, they have pitted 512 bands against each other in a bracket format similar to the NCAA playoffs. My math might be shoddy but thats, like, 43 times more than the 64 teams the NCAA has.

Currently, the "1 seed" Beatles are currently beating the "128 seed" Big & Rich 3210 votes to 125. Personally, I think Big voted 65 times and Rich 60.

Vote now! It's too late for the first bracket of 128 teams, but the second bracket is active until midnight Friday.

Welcome Grace Ann!

2007-03-05T13:30:00.000-05:00

Born 3/1/07
8 lbs., 4 oz.
19 1/4 inches long

Baby, Mommy and Daddy are all home and doing fine.

So much for my warm & fuzzy

2007-02-01T22:03:00.000-05:00

There's a reason I take my Toyota Highlander in to a Toyota dealership to get oil changes done. First of all, I like the feeling knowing that Toyota "experts" are working on my car. Second, have you seen the usual staff at your local Jiffy Lube? Do you really want THEM touching your car?

So I get my oil changed Tuesday over at Lawrence Toyota and after about a half hour, they call me over and tell me that my radiator's cracked. They bring me into the garage and show me that coolant had gotten all over the radiator and that it needed to be replaced. I asked how something like that could happen and they reply it's more than likely the weather. So I get the estimate for about $450 and call my wife who, fortunately, works at an auto body shop. Good news, they can get the radiator for about $180, plus labor.

So my wife takes the car in on Thursday and this is what they find out. When they put the new radiator in, they noticed that the hose attached to it was corroded, thus causing the leaking of the fluid. The old radiator? No sign of a crack. We said, the hell with it, they already put in the new radiator, so there was no sense taking it out again.

So basically, the "experts" at Lawrence Toyota told me I had a cracked radiator, when in reality it was simply a corroded hose. Of course, we didn't find this out until AFTER a new radiator was ordered and installed. Luckily, I had an "in" who was able to get this whole thing done cheap.

And my wife pointed out one more thing...if I *did* take this to Toyota to get the work done there, they more than likely wouldn't have said anything about the radiator and would have also charged me to replace the hose as well.

I plan to head over there on Monday and bitch royally about this. To me, this is a serious disappointment, especially considering what the dealer's supposed to represent in regards to repairing a car. They're usually the last hope to fix serious problems. Here, I couldn't even trust them with a SIMPLE problem.

20 some years later, I finally know what happened to Billy Squier

2007-01-28T12:49:00.000-05:00

The question first hit me when we were driving to New Hampshire back in October. After listening to the "Classic Rewind" channel on Sirius for a good portion of the drive, we were inundated with a good deal of old Billy Squier songs. We wondered...hmmm...whatever happened to him? He so white hot in the early eighties, then he just seemed to disappear.

But then I heard on Howard Stern this week what happened. I'll let Wikipedia sum it up best.

...Squier revealed that his career as a chart-topping rocker came to a stunningly rapid and sudden end with the release of the music video for "Rock Me Tonite", universally derided by his fans (who saw him as a guitar hero) for its effeminate set (a bedroom dressed in soft, pastel fabrics) and Squier's bizarre, vaguely homoerotic prancing and ripping of his clothing, reminiscent of Jennifer Beals' performance in the film "Flashdance". The video was a demolishing blow to Squier's image among his fans, who deserted him virtually overnight. Billy confirmed that his career didn't recover after that video...

And for good measure, here's the video.

Wow. Of all the videos I watched in the eighties, I can honestly say that I don't recall that one. Of course, there's also a damn good chance that I subconsciously blocked out any memories of that horrid, horrid performance.

Performance reviews are a crock of shit

2007-01-11T22:12:00.000-05:00

Now that the holidays are over, I need to begin doing the most dreaded of work tasks: performance reviews. Reviews themselves aren't so bad, it's just the whole process that sours me. Most of you know where I work, but I won't divulge the company name here for fear someone will stumble across it in a search. Anyway, let me see if I can sum up what I have to go through...

An elaborate rating system has been put into place to specifically grade each person's characteristics and how they met their objectives for the year. It's based on a grading system from 1-5, with 5 being the best. Although 3 is in the middle, it actually means fully successful. Categories are things like job knowledge, quality of work, teamwork, initiative, etc, then you also also receive grades on whether or not you met your objectives. In the end, it's supposed to give you a good idea of how that person grades out overall. Pretty straightforward, right?

But then upper management tells you that you can only have x amount of 4's in your group and are also required to have at least x amount of 2's (5's and 1's are nearly unheard of). Next thing you know, you're grading your group on a curve and not on their personal objectives and abilities. Now you're going back and lowballing people's performances just so you can keep them from being a 4, or to drop them down to a 2. Management-wise, I understand *why* it's being done...every work group is going to have it's top performers and bottom performers and you can't have people inflating their staff's abilities.

But the whole thing makes me feel dirty. It doesn't allow for groups that have an exceptional amount of good people. In those cases, you're almost pitting the good ones against the bad ones for that one "4" grade. Ever try looking at one of your best people in the eyes during a review and telling them they had a "fully successful" year ("average" to them)? It's not pretty and it's demoralizing.

This sucks.

Doob scores an Xbox 360

2007-01-04T08:37:00.000-05:00

Folks, I'm happy to say that I scored me an Xbox 360 for Christmas (thanks dear!). Naturally, Madden '07...pretty much the only game I play...sucks on the Xbox. Well, maybe not *sucks*, but it's a severe culture change from the gameplay on the PS2. I'm trying to muddle through it, but one of the most obvious things that's missing is Madden's commentary during the games...I mean it's Madden '07! His name's right in the friggin' title! How do you NOT have him?

The other aggravating thing is that this thing was obviously meant for big screen high definition TVs. The problem is that I have two 27" standard definition TVs in the basement. I actually had to take it off of the one in my office (the worst one) because I was only able to read about 90% of what was on the screen. Moving it into the family area of my basement was better, but I still have to squint to make out a lot of text.

Now I'm going to have to bump up getting a high def TV on my to-do list. Of course, what'll happen is that the high def TV will go upstairs, we'll spend another $1000 on new furniture to accommodate it (we have an older wooden entertainment center that just barely squeezes in a "32 TV) and then the 32" TV will wind up going downstairs. So I won't get a high def TV to play the 360 on, but at least I'll have another 5" to enlarge those hard-to-read characters.

And for those of you wondering why I just don't bring it upstairs, it's because of the network connection. I just hard wired the living area in the basement with CAT 5e cable a couple of days ago so that I could use the Xbox Live feature. The den upstairs sits on a slab floor and the TV is up against the outside wall. To hard wire a connection there would be a herculean feat (to me, anyway) that would probably involve running the cable from my basement up a floor into my attic, all the way across the den, and then dropping it behind the wall. The other option would be to run it across the floor against the wall but, of course, the most direct way is complicated by a sliding glass door in it's path.

I'm sure a lot of you without 360s are crying over my horrible dilemma.

Oh, and that's doob77 on Xbox Live if anyone's interested (can you believe some effer already had doobie77??).

America deploys Muppets to Iraq

2006-12-28T08:48:00.000-05:00

What better way to fight colorful, hairy monsters than with some of our own? The insurgents won't know what hit 'em.

Note: Dig Elmo's dad with the orange hair, toting a gym bag.

My simple solution for travelers stranded in Denver

2006-12-24T04:40:00.000-05:00

Maybe I'm missing a key piece of information here, but why don't people stranded in Denver simply do this:

1. Rent car from major provider
2. Drive a few hours to another airport and fly from there.

My take is this. If you can afford it and you *really* want to get home for Christmas, just drive to another airport. The roads should be clear now, it's just the airlines that are backed up. Santa Fe is, I believe, the closest "International" airport to Denver at six hours away, but all you really need to do is just drive to another, smaller airport that connects to a major hub and you're good to go (assuming, of course, that the rental car company has an office in that city where you can drop off that car). Hell, according to this link, there are seven other non-Denver airports in Colorado. Drive there and use those airlines to get the hell out!

Is this many twist ties really @#&*$ necessary?

2006-12-23T15:02:00.000-05:00

And so, with the first Christmas presents now rolling in, I begin my semi annual complaint of the method in which many toy manufacturers package their product.

Is this many twist ties really frigging necessary to secure the toy in the box? Case in point, a Leap Frog train-shaped electric toy with numbers all over it that play sounds when pressed. To remove the toy from the box, you must first cut all the tape around the perimeter of the box. Then, you must physically detach the inside cardboard box from the outside cardboard box. This involves navigating your way through a series of folds that makes you feel like you're undoing an origami project. As if this isn't difficult enough, they decide to also tape numerous pieces together, meaning that what at first seemed like a delicate, but doable task has now devolved into an elaborate tearing exercise similar to the one my two year old son put on while removing the wrapping paper from the present.

And then come the twist ties. The fucking twist ties. Apparently, there needed to be a good method to secure the toy to this inside cardboard box that I just managed to extract. Their solution was to not only use a twist tie on three of the four sides of the toy (the fourth side being open to the public so that kids to see could press the buttons to see what they did), but to also use a twist tie on every conceivable anchor point of the train. There was a twist tie around the front and back tires. There were two more twist ties going around various points of the open frame of the train, and then there was another one threaded through the open front windshield.

So as if it's not bad enough that you have to undo 5+ heavy gauge twist ties on this toy and then unthread them from the cardboard box, the fuckers also decide to tape the open ends of the twist ties down! That means that you have to rip the tape off the twist ties first, before you can begin the unthreading process! All this while I'm trying to fend off my two year old son who wants to play with the toy!

Mental note: next time use scissors.

T'aint so bad after all

2006-12-19T19:30:00.000-05:00

Looks like I was able to win out in one of my money leagues after all. Marvin Harrison's 3 TDs allowed me to overcome the frigging 3 defensive TDs from the Titans defense. Hot diggety!

What a shitty effing day

2006-12-17T19:33:00.000-05:00

This is a rant for mostly myself since I don't expect anyone to fully understand, let alone sympathize with me.

Today was just a shitty day overall where, although nothing went horribly wrong, it's been enough to put me in a general overall funk. If I vent, maybe I'll feel better.

I had to attend an all-day family event today and, while it was definitely a nice gig, it was enough to knock me out of my Sunday football-watching routine to make me not fully enjoy it. So instead of sitting on a couch with a bunch of games on TV at my disposal, I had to follow the football action by surfing the internet on my Blackberry.

But it wasn't even so much that I'm a shallow jerk who gets whiny when disturbed, it was the fantasy football playoffs today. In the four leagues I'm in, I was ranked around the top in all of them. I was good enough to conceivably win championships in *all* of them. Instead, my respective teams shit the beds so badly in each league, I'm probably history across the board. This was slowly realized across the course of the day as, every ten-fifteen minutes between 1 PM and 7 PM, I painfully read my Blackberry and saw every goddamn one of my players underperform. Every time a touchdown was scored, it was by someone OTHER than a player on my team. Every player I owned suddenly became invisible. I can take one or two of my players sucking, but not everyone on my whole fucking roster, in EVERY league. And to make matters worse, the people I played against in each league didn't do much better, but they played just well enough to edge me out in each league. If I was able to get just one or two good performances from *someone* on my team, I would have been able to win. And in one league where I thought I still had a chance, I found out that my opponent started a mediocre defense that scored three TDs against me. That after I was joking to my friend earlier today, "boy I'd sure hate to be playing him this week". And then I came home and found out I was.

This sucks. In retrospect, maybe it was better off that I wasn't home to wallow in my misery.

Oh, and the Raiders lost 20-0, too. Hey Fate, why don't you just kick my dog while you're at it?

A place to rat out the bad drivers in your state

2006-12-17T09:02:00.000-05:00

It was only a matter of time before this happened. Now you can report the people on the road who piss you off. Or maybe even find out if you've been tagged. Although this is more of a venting tool and isn't technically reporting anyone to the cops, according to CNN there *are* some cops using this list as a "heads-up" when they go on patrol.

Now, I suppose it's only a matter of time before legal issues shut this place down...

I'm sorry

2006-11-16T06:36:00.000-05:00

After being immersed in episodes of Caillou, I'm convinced that his "father" is really his mother's lesbian lover. You decide.

Also, I'm not sure if he's Canadian or Cajun. I originally entertained the idea of him being of French ancestry in Louisiana, but then I saw him ice skating which now points the arrow to Canada.

That's a shame too, since Caillou rhymes perfectly with "bayou".

Sylar question

2006-11-15T14:09:00.000-05:00

So, in Heroes, the primary villain Sylar seems to have a multitude of internal weapons at his disposal, most prominently telekenesis. He also seems to have the ability to fly, deflect bullets, and cyrogenically freeze people not named Walt Disney.

He also seems to target other similarly gifted people and steal their brains.

So, since all the characters we've seen so far seem to have one ability (with the exception of Peter who can mimic the abilities of those around him) and Sylar has multiple, is it safe to assume that Sylar's somehow able to extract the abilites from his victim's brains and make them his?

It would explain the whole "save the cheerleader, save the world" slogan we've been hearing ad nauseum. If he could "kill" Claire the unkillable cheerleader...or at least render her immobile enough to steal her brain...then he himself would become invincible.

And that's probably the last thing anyone needs.

Boooo Democratic candidates...

2006-11-07T23:36:00.000-05:00

...hoooray beer!

Brother, can you spare a PS2?

2006-10-28T08:42:00.000-04:00

As if my vacation couldn't get any worse, my Playstation2 also broke while up in NH and can't read the two games I actually play (but I found out it will read older games and DVDs). Since I only play two games (one religiously), I can't justify buying an Xbox 360 and then having to go out and buy those games again on a new platform, nor do I feel like waiting and buying a PS3. Frankly, I don't feel like spending $400+ on either one, either. And since I ALSO don't want to spend $130 on a new, soon-to-be-obsolete PS2, I think my only option is to find someone who has a PS2 they no longer use, probably because they bought an Xbox.

Anyone? Anyone?

We went to New Hampshire but it was closed

2006-10-27T09:19:00.000-04:00

I don't usually channel W.C. Fields, but it doesn't get more appropriate than this.

We did our annual fall foliage trip this year, but we wanted to try out New Hampshire instead. By the time we booked it, the best we could do was the third week in October. A little late by New England standards, but hey, we weren't in it solely for the leaves, we do it to chill out and take little day trips to tourist traps in the area. Besides, it was a nice roomy place at an off-season ski lodge...our favorite situation.

Well, apparently, as soon as the leaves hit the ground, the local businesses shack up for the winter. I should have warned of the bad path this trip was going to take by the foreboding signs we received on day one. After we arrived it started pouring. When we woke up, it stopped pouring. When I noticed the odd silence, I looked out the window to find out that the rain was now snow. Big flakes coming down hard. We were probably the only people to ever stay at a ski lodge to complain about snow. We checked the weather report for Lincoln, NH...more rain today, snow and rain Tuesday, more of the same on Wednesday, mostly cloudy on Thursday, then more precipitation on Friday and Saturday. Greeeeaaaaat.

But we soldiered on. Hey, I wasn't going to sit around and mope all day. Besides, have you ever tried to contain a 2-year old inside who's been deprived of 15/16th of his toys for a whole week? On with the heavy coats and off we went. But then we started to find that almost everything that was on that local cartoony-style map that shows all the tourist attractions was closed for the season. Clark's Trading Post with a railroad and trained bears? Closed. The Flume Gorge? Closed. Not only that, the Old Man of the Mountain crumbled three years ago, so we couldn't even see that. Christ, even the towns themselves seemed devoid of people like a bad horror movie.

Our only possible redemption was a moose sighting, so we asked the person working at the front desk who gave us a good spot which supposedly had a 90% success rate if we went at dusk or dawn. Well, despite following all the direction and using our unique moose calls (Heeeeeeere moosey moosey moosey!), we fell into the tenth percentile who came up empty on moose sightings. Maybe the moose left for the season too.

Since our next planned destination was Kittery, Maine, instead of going 2.5 hours south only to have to retrace our steps north before eventually doing it all again on the way home, we decided to cut bait on New Hampshire. We found a hotel outside of Salem, Massachusetts (45 minutes away from Kittery) and decided to stay there for the night, hitting Salem the next day (during Halloween season!) before heading home. It turns out Kittery and Salem were the best parts of the trip.

So in summation, New Hampshire sucks. It may be a nice place to stay in the summer, but don't bother going there after September. If you want to do the leaf thing in the fall, go to the Berkshires area instead (including southern Vermont) where everything is still open.

A hearty welcome back to everyone's favorite celebrity nut job

2006-10-10T20:27:00.000-04:00

She's at it again.

There was Streisand, enduring a smattering of very loud jeers as she and "George Bush" -- a celebrity impersonator -- muddled through a skit that portrayed the president as a bumbling idiot.
Though most of the crowd offered polite applause during the slightly humorous routine, it got a bit too long, especially for a few in the audience who just wanted to hear Streisand sing like she had been doing for the past hour.
"Come on, be polite!" the well-known liberal implored during the sketch as she and "Bush" exchanged zingers. But one heckler wouldn't let up. And finally, Streisand let him have it.
"Shut the (expletive) up!" Streisand bellowed, drawing wild applause. "Shut up if you can't take a joke!"

Here's a clue for Streisand and all other angry left entertainers. First of all, people don't want to hear your political views on stage. They want to hear you sing. Every now and then people tolerate your opinions because they're usually brief and only a minor distraction. But when you go out and hire a Bush impersonator to be part of your act...which, by the way, doesn't involve comedy...then you should prepare to be criticized.

Second of all, outbursts like this only go to prove that many Democrats...supposedly the more tolerant of the two parties...are usually only tolerant of people with similar views and extremely intolerant of those who oppose them (for additional proof read the "Hitler", "sexless" and "I hope Ann Coulter dies" comments in those fields below). Sure, she was being heckled at her own concert, but her response seems to be a good indicator of her personality.

Can someone come to an agreement on how to make a pot of coffee?

2006-10-01T09:22:00.000-04:00

One thing I've found is that you can never please anyone while making coffee. You like yours at a certain strength, while others like theirs weaker or stronger. Finding a common ground (no pun intended) is almost impossible.

For four cups of coffee (that would be as in "fill water reservoir to the '4' line on my auto drip coffee maker"), I usually put in about 1 and 3/4 scoops of coffee. The scoop is technically one tablespoon and I stopped using tablespoons because of how arbitrary the mound of coffee was while using it. But of course, that's always too strong for other people. One family member uses 1 and 1/2 scoops for every 4 cups. Another, 1 and 1/4.

So I go to the internet for assistance and their recommendations are even worse. About.com recommended a "heaping tablespoon" for every cup. What the hell is "heaping"? That ambiguity is why I stopped using tablespoons to begin with. So I figure I'd lean on Starbucks' advice from the back of one of their bags o' coffee. They recommend a ridiculous TWO scoops of coffee per cup. Going by their advice, I'd have an unbelievable eight scoops for every four cups of water. If my family complained about my coffee being strong with 1 and 3/4 scoops, I can only imagine what they'd do with eight scoops.

At least that would explain why I can't drink Starbucks without some sort of flavor concoction in it.

When you know you can't trust your spellchecker

2006-09-12T22:13:00.000-04:00

Not that I have anything against Blogspot/Blogger, etc. but, you know what? When you have a built in spell checker, it should at *least* be able to identify the industry it's supporting.

Grover's Mill: Finally seeing the forest for the trees

2006-09-04T19:19:00.001-04:00

The Grover's Mill Co. building is something I pass on a daily basis on my way to and from work. You can't miss the big red barn at the corner of Cranbury and Clarksville Roads. In fact, if you drove straight at the end of Clarksville Road, you literally wouldn't miss it...you'd plow right into the front of it.

Anyway, I've been taking these back roads for over ten years, always seeing the big red barn twice a day, never thinking twice about it.

Then last year, out of the blue, it hit me. Where the hell did I hear of Grover's Mill before? Holy shit, that's right! War of the Worlds! Of course, by now everyone's heard of the famous radio program which, back in 1938, had over a million NJ residents panicking when Orson Welles announced that the Martians had landed in a small hamlet in central NJ called "Grover's Mill". I couldn't believe that for all these years I was driving past a part of history. Well, fictional history, anyway. It's like all those New Yorkers you hear about who live so close to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building, but have never visited them.

So today, I decided to swing by Van Nest park where they have a monument dedicated to the War of the Worlds' "landing" spot. Nothing memorable...the park's no bigger than a Sam's Club parking lot...but still, I feel part of my life is now complete. How sad is that?

"Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin done in by something you can pet at aquariums

2006-09-04T03:41:00.000-04:00

Crikey! Well, sad as it is, I guess it was only a matter of time. Still, you'd think it would be by something a little more...well...ominous.

62% of people apparently back Ahmadinejad's world views

2006-08-29T19:26:00.000-04:00

Although there are probably a good chunk on international voters on CNN.com, it’s still disconcerting to think that the majority of people (at least those voting in this poll) think that Ahmadinejad…the man stating that

Israel

should be wiped off the map…could beat Bush in a debate on world issues.

Are the voters in this poll (presumably angry-lefters) *that* off the wall that they think a man who supports groups who aim to destroy the foundations of society can make a better case for his cause than George Bush can for spreading Democracy?

What exactly does this mean? Do the people who voted "yes" actually subscribe to Ahmadinejad's world views, or are they so jaundiced by their opinions on Bush that they'll stop at any chance to insult him whenever possible? It's gotten to the point where Bush could race into a burning orphanage, save 18 children on his own and the things that people would be talking about would be how "Bush let two other kids die" or how "Bush neglected safety advice of Secret Servicemen and jeopardized this country".

Disgusting.

ESPN Fantasy Football sucks

2006-08-25T19:26:00.000-04:00

7:20 PM, Friday night 8/25 and this is what I get trying to access ESPN's Fantasy Football front page.

Once again, ESPN has disappointed me on the Fantasy Football front. After years of charging people for Fantasy Football...but losing money to Yahoo's free services...they decided to offer a free version last year.

The website tanked week one of the football season and alienated a good portion of people who realized that ESPN just couldn't compete.

Now this, and the season is two weeks away. While I don't know for sure, there a good chance that this outage aborted several leagues that were scheduled to draft at this time. A website just simply cannot go down like this during prime traffic hours. You very rarely, if ever, see sections of Yahoo or other major websites just go unavailable.

I swore them off last year and the only reason I was trying to access them tonight was for cheat sheets.

You suck ESPN. Now I don't feel bad for terminating the online account that I've been paying for for nearly ten years.

Life rule #282,019

2006-08-23T13:31:00.000-04:00

Never smile with shaving cream on your face. You'll be utterly depressed by the color of your teeth.

Now fat kids are Bush's fault too

2006-08-22T15:56:00.000-04:00

Can someone please tell me why it's the government's responsibilty for kids to get enough exercise? This is something that I wouldn't even blame on the school system, let alone the government. Growing up, I always thought that P.E. in school was a joke to begin with and we would have been better served with another class anyway. A couple of health classes? Fine. Just don't grade someone on their ability to play kickball. I remember one time failing P.E. in grade school because I couldn't perform two gymnastics moves. Gymnastics!

I would hold my kid's school responsible for academics...not their ability to get him fit. As a parent, that's MY responsibility.

A shout out for the Matrix. That would be the razor, not the movie.

2006-08-14T13:10:00.000-04:00

Update: Oops. The correct name of the razor is the Matrix3, not the "Matrix". I've corrected the post below. Also, I checked the exact price on the replacement blades at Acme the other day. It's $5.49 for four blades, or $1.37 each. And, since I can get at least six days use out of one blade, that comes out to about 23 cents a shave. Not bad!

Very rarely do I come across a generic product that I gush about, but the Equaline Matrix3 is one of them.

I'm a hairy dude and shaving my facial hair is usually better served with a metal file than with a common razor. That being said, I'm a difficult person to please when it comes to razors. To me, there's always been Gillette and a bunch of also-rans. For whatever reason, even Shick's highest end blades tore my face apart like any other razor. And of the few companies that actually tried to compete with the big two, no one ever came close. It always seemed like Gillette knew something about making blades that no one else did. And because of that, I always had to pay a premium price to get a decent shave. My blade of choice has been the Gillette Sensor and, although they make better razors, I'll be damned if I'm going to pay more than that for five frigging blades.

But not anymore.

About two months ago, I discovered the Equaline Matrix3. Acme had them on sale and it had been over two years since I tried a new razor in vain, so I figured what the hell? It was a triple blade razor that was actually cheaper than the Gillette Sensor so what did I have to lose (besides a little skin)?

The first shave seemed decent. Not blow me away decent, but good. Of course, I had a two-day growth on my face, so that may have factored in. But after that it was smooth sailing. The shaves were as good as the Sensor, if not better. But that's not the best part. My stubble can render a new Gillette Sensor blade inoperable after two shaves...sometimes three. Ever since I've been using the Matrix3, I've been able to squeeze out up to a *week* of shaves before changing the blade. A WEEK. So not only is the Matrix3 cheaper than the Sensor, the blades last about three times as long. And guess what? I ran out of Matrix3 blades the other week and had to resort back to my Sensor. It tore my face up, even with a brand new blade.

Two caveats though. The female equivalent of the Matrix3...the Mystique...didn't get good reviews from my wife. Second, the Equaline brand is made by Albertson's, so you'll only be able to find it in Albertson's related stores. Around me, it's Acme. Not sure what other stores...aside from Albertson's itself...are also affiliated with it.

Yellowjackets: Nature's Assholes

2006-08-05T12:15:00.000-04:00

As somewhat of a nature lover, me and the outdoors get along just fine. Of course, I'm more of a nature lover from afar. I hate camping trips unless I can be assured of TV and/or continuous air conditioning (or at least the temperature never hovering above 72 degrees). Even buggy days outdoors will drive me back inside.

Nevertheless, I've always been intrigued by wildlife and insects. I'm old enough now to know that these creatures are neither good nor bad, and are merely acting on intuition to survive. Let's face it, none of these critters really want to interact with us and prefer keeping a safe distance whenever possible.

Ditto for the things you find in your house that you really don't want there. Spiders can be a nuisance but they're more beneficial that a person would think and, dammit, how are they going to be able to catch anything to eat when you keep walking into their webs? As much as a pain in the ass that ants are (once, I found them swarming an overturned sippy cup of Matt's at midnight...ugh), you have to admire their industriousness. And if you've got mice well, hey, they're just looking for a warm place to shack up. Bottom line is that as aggravating as these these creatures can be, it's hard to get truly mad at them because pissing you off is not their intention...or at least not directly.

Except for those fucking yellowjackets.

Yellowjackets are nothing more than aggressive, flying cockroaches with stingers. Unlike most insects, they want your food, they want it now, and so help you if you get in their way. The hell with ants, yellowjackets are the biggest picnic nuisance ever. Good luck enjoying your food if they're nearby and have figured out your location. How many people know others who've been stung in their mouths by a yellowjacket that's gotten inside of their soda can? I'd love to know the numbers on how many "bee stings" unrelated to hive disturbances that can be chalked up to yellowjackets. Because let's face it...you take out the "hive disturbance" factor and other stinging insects like honey bees, hornets and even the most physically intimidating wasps are pretty docile. And the hives/nests of the latter are usually pretty obvious so that you usually have ample time to steer clear of it. My guess is that at least 80% would be yellowjackets and even the other 20% by the others could be chalked up to misunderstandings that would have preferably been avoided by both parties (accidentally sitting on a wasp, stepping on a bee in bare feet, etc.)

And where do yellowjackets build their nests? Sometimes underground. Sometimes in stone walls. What dicks. Sure, being hidden protects you from predators but being hidden *too* well means larger creatures can't see you and can inadvertantly destroy your homes. How many times have you heard stories of someone attacked by a swarm of bees because the foot of his ladder fell into a yellow jacket nest? When I moved into my current house, the bastards had already set up shop inside a bush outside of my house. Fortunately, I had seen the telltale sign of them constantly darting in and out of the bush to clue me in, otherwise Debbie's dog or I would have been a victim.

Now I've got a small nest of them outside my garage wall. The little bastards found an opening in a small piece of foundation block that had crumbled away and set up shop. Fortunately, although I can't see the nest, it never appeared to have gotten that big (no more than one darting in/out in 15 second intervals) and it looks like my last attempt to foam spray them to death may have worked.

Regardless, they're still assholes.

Awfulblogs.com gets noticed

2006-07-28T13:06:00.000-04:00

So, after about a month or so of about a dozen visitors a day, Awfulblogs gets noticed by Woot! on Wednesday and traffic shoots up to over 550 visitors.

How sweet is that? Now I'm going to have to get off my ass and post more than just once a week to keep these people coming back. Well, okay, tecnically I have to *stay* on my ass to continue posting, but you know what I mean.

UPDATE: Chalk up a notice by IT World too. Sweet!

Levittown...giving a whole new meaning to "run down"

2006-07-11T19:58:00.000-04:00

The running joke among my frends about Levittown (PA) is that visiting there is like stepping back into the '80's. Having a friend there (who still visits this site, I think) and hanging out there regularly in the mid-nineties, I assure you there was no shortage of black "KISS" t-shirts, mullets, wigwam socks and hair metal being played...and that was just at her house! (I keed! I keed!). However, being white trash myself in a polo shirt, I always felt right at home. So although I mock it, I've always embraced it.

But since I've been married and have been keeping busy raising a family, I don't hang out like I used to and it's been a while since I've been there. But on Sunday, the family and I crossed the Pennsylvania border and go to Mealey's to go look for children's furniture. As we leave it's approaching lunch time, so we decide to hit a local restaurant. Spotting Fuddruckers over to the left (as we're approaching Oxford Valley Mall), I say to the wife "you know, I've always wanted to go to Fuddruckers...let's check it out". So I make the left heading towards the Levittown Parkway and as we approach the restaurant, we realize it's boarded up.

With our first choice of lunch scuttled, we head over to the nearby Wal-Mart...as we were going to hit the one in Hamilton anyway...and eat lunch at the McDonalds nearby instead. After McDonalds we head over to Wal-Mart and, as I'm parking, there's a car in the parking lot giving a parked car a jump. Not thinking anything of it, I pass that scene and park my car. As I'm getting ready to unstrap my son, a lady in a parked car in front of us (unrelated to the other dead car) says *her* car is having problems and asks to use my cell phone. She had two kids with her and, apparently, there were some electrical issues with the alarm as everytime she opened the door the alarm started going off...and with the sound of a battery that's about to die. I let her use my phone and we head over to Wal-Mart. As I'm walking away, the lady stops me and says, "oh you can't go in there..the store's lost power and they're not letting anyone in!"

So not only are there two cars in the parking lot without juice, but Wal-Mart's also without power. It was like a UFO had just flown overhead and all the electronic devices in the immediate area went dead.

So, to recap, within a one hour time frame in Levittown I experience:

A boarded up Fuddruckers
A powerless Wal-Mart
A dead car in the Wal-Mart parking lot
Another car with electrical issues just 20 feet away

Just when you think your Levittown joke well has run dry, the town provides you with more fodder. I love that city.

Fortunately, before the general aura of Levittown blight was able to rest upon us, we managed to escape town with full battery power, good health and an undamaged credit report.

Left wing nuts in Mexico apparently no different from the ones up here

2006-07-06T19:01:00.000-04:00

Bitter, angry, sore losers who are always feeling that they've been wronged. If nothing else, the extreme left-wingers are consistent...

"Calderon was already reaching out to other parties to build a "unity government," while his rival, Andres Manuel Lopez Obrador, blamed fraud for his narrow loss in the vote count and called on his supporters to fill Mexico City's main square Saturday in a show of force."

Can't anyone just ride a bike without stupid clothing anymore?

2006-07-05T17:24:00.000-04:00

Is it just me, or has it become a requirement for every adult biker...sorry...CYCLIST...to wear ridiculous clothing while riding their bikes? Everytime I see a "cyclist", they're wearing an aerodynamic helmet and an obnoxiously over-sponsored spandex outfit.

What slapass came up with this idea? Have we become so smug and elitist of a society that riding a bike requires a tight shirt with a sponsor list that would put any NASCAR vehicle to shame? Can't anyone just go out and ride a bike anymore?

Maybe I missed the memo and every adult has been drafted by a cycling team. Or at least the good ones. Going outside on a bike without standardized attire means public ridicule if caught. Imagine the humiliation of being isolated in a desolated parking lot and circled by five punks in neon green jerseys with "ROYCE UNION", "NIKE" and "MOTOROLA" insignias on them. I don't know if I can deal with that.

I need my own customized outfit. If anyone can make one for me, here's the requirements:

Size 3X spandex. Cameltoe-like shorts a necessity with silver & black Zubaz stripes to reflect my Raiders fandom
A "Houses of the Holy" logo on the front
Sponsorship logos from Pizza Hut, Hoagie Haven, Best Buy, Rita's Water Ice, Michele Lorie Cheesecakes, and EA Sports. And that doesn't meet the quota, you can add Starbucks, Halo Pub and Burger King. Oh, and AwfulBlogs too because there should be at least one shameless personal promotion.
A baseball cap fitted with a bicycle seat on top to simulate an aerodynamic helmet

If anyone wants to go riding with me in similar attire, let me know. It's apparent we're not safe unless we join a team.

Unexpected wireless internet access rocks

2006-06-26T06:33:00.000-04:00

As a frequent traveler who's also a computer geek, I've learned to take the good with the bad when it comes to internet access on the road. I lug my work laptop with me everywhere I go and hope that there's a remote chance that I can surf the web in my spare time. Everything comes with me...a spare laptop battery, external floppy drive and a thirty foot spool of phone line (I got to use every inch of it once in Las Vegas)

I'm happy to say that I can get connected about 95% of the time. Since this is a company laptop, there's software installed on here for a global ISP that we use. It's extremely impressive...I'm very rarely in a city where the internet isn't a local phone call away (although I admittedly haven't left the USA). It certainly beats carrying around an emergency AOL CD (which I still do anyway).

But, like most dial-up connections, connecting is often painful. Hotels are usually crap shoots and too many times I've had to deal with bad phone lines resulting in numerous, repeated dropped connections. I remember one place I stayed where checking my email was a painstaking ritual of dialing, connecting, call dropping after 2:11 minutes, redialing, reconnecting, call dropping after 5:32 minutes, re-redialing, re-reconnecting, call dropping after 3:41 minutes, rinse, repeat.

But I'm happy to say that things are getting better. Although dial-up is still prevalent, I'm seeing more and more places that are going wireless. Most places have the routers in their lobbies, which makes sense since that's where their office equipment is. Sometimes you can get lucky and hop on it from your room if it's close enough. If not, a quick escape to the lobby is required, which usually isn't too bad considering the dial-up alternative (free coffee's a good draw too).

But every now and then, I hit the mother lode. I'm staying at the Powhatan Plantation in Virginia this week. I was a bit suspicious of the internet access here when an email I sent last week inquired about it went unanswered. So when I arrive here yesterday, I follow my normal ritual of checking the price for local calls. Sometimes they're free, but a lot of the big corporations realized that laptops users were taking advantage of it in the late nineties and, as a result, starting charging for them...sometimes charging 1-900-like rates for them ($1 the first minute, 25 cents for each minute after). So I look at their rates and see they charge 25 cents per local call. Not bad. Not free, but a quarter a call isn't so bad as long as the phone lines in the room are good.

So I set up the laptop this morning, attach the phone line to the data port on the phone, and boot up. Before I can even launch the ISP software, a wireless network is detected. THREE of them. And I'm nowhere near the main lobby...this is a resort I'm at and my building is about a quarter mile away from the main lobby. Apparently Powhatan's got their shit together with wireless access. It appears I occasionally get redirected to ITG's homepage...who apparently is the company behind this access...but I can deal with that.

So here I sit a happy man, blogging, checking my fantasy sports teams & email, all while streaming Howard Stern from the Sirius website. Life is good.

Oh yeah, we're going to Busch Garden today too.

AAAWWOOOOO!!

2006-06-21T16:49:00.000-04:00

A few months ago I posted about finding a deer leg in our yard and my stepfather...an avid hunter...mentioning the possibility of coyotes in the Hamilton Township area.

Today, those suspicions were confirmed by the Asbury Park Press who writes about a coyote pup recovering from injuries after being hit by a car.

From the APP: "A motor vehicle struck the coyote June 13 on Route 130 near Route 526 in Washington Township at about 9:30 p.m., around dusk, said Mary Klink, the animal control officer who provides services for various municipalities in the area."

That's...uhhhh...like a bike ride from my house. (gulp)

Since my yard isn't fenced, it looks like it's time for me to invest in a crafty roadrunner...

Google Mapping Des Moines is no longer safe for work

2006-06-09T03:32:00.000-04:00

How government officials in Des Moines ever let this one slip through the crack...errrr...cracks, I have no idea.

All penis jokes welcome in the comments field.

Father Hughes gets five years

2006-06-04T09:37:00.000-04:00

In an update to the Father Hughes story, the court sentenced him to five years in prison. Kind of light in my opinion, but not exactly a slap in the wrist either...especially for a priest.

Bloated like a Butterball, stunk like a...

2006-05-30T08:07:00.000-04:00

...nevermind, you get the picture.

So, anyway, after my competition-fueled weight loss adventure last year, the stomach's been winning the recent battles over will power and I'm almost back to the point where I started. Although I'm usually one of those people who keep paying for a gym even though they never go simply because they want the option to always *be* there in case they *do* get the urge, I actually let my membership lapse at the local YMCA back in February.

At the recommendation of my wife, I decide to try out the local "Cuts Fitness" gym, a men-only place that pushes high intensity circuit training much like the en vogue and alternate gender-based "Curves". A major plus to this is that I hate crowds. I figure that a good percentage of guys go to gyms with the primary (or at least secondary) motive of seeing hot girls exercise. Therefore, I figure, seeing dudes work out should be a major turn off to most, thereby making "Cuts" a relative ghost town. I weigh the options...including the possibility of a heavy turn out of "Johnny Cakes"...and "ghost town" wins out. Plus, she's got a coupon for a free month at *her* gym if I sign up (yes!).

So I show up there on Saturday to check the joint out. It has the typical resistance-based equipment you see at most gyms, but without all the electronic bells and whistles. This is because, instead of setting yourself for elaborate 30+ minutes workouts at each machine, you do about 30 *seconds* at each before moving on to the next station. Therefore, no fancy electronics required. So I go through the normal regiment of machines and I'm suddenly faced with a piece of equipment that has the potential to emasculate me in a matter of seconds...the heavy bag.

Where do I start here? First of all, you only see heavy bags in real gyms. They're meant for boxers. I'm not a boxer, I'm an "IT professional". The only heavy bag I have regular exposure to is the obese secretary down the hall from me, and even she dishes out more punishment than she takes. The presence of a heavy bag means that I have to dance around for 30 seconds...in front of a bunch of guys...and pretend that I know what the hell I'm doing. The good news, the trainer says, is that there's an alternate exercise I can partake in instead...the jump rope. So, basically, my alternative to dancing around aimlessly punching a bag, is to fake coordination by jumping around wildly and falling into other people and/or the exercise equipment around me. Pass. I'll try the bag.

So I do the bag and look like an ass for 30 seconds. The disconnect officially set in. I went through the last half of the circuit hardly even listening or caring what the guy had to say. At the end of the circuit was, appropriately enough, the speed bag, which put the final nail in the coffin. Normally this would have been another mortifying experience but, in an ironic twist, I had just seen "Million Dollar Baby" last month in which they had shown Hillary Swank how to use a speed bag. The half-ass training kept me respectable but the damage was already done.

Now the search continues for another gym. Although expensive, I'm still leaning towards going back to the YMCA. Among a wide variety of options, they have an indoor jogging track and the cardio work is what I really need to work on.

Stupid blog! Be more funny!

2006-05-23T15:18:00.000-04:00

Thanks to "The Onion's" A.V. Club for providing a list of Simpsons quotes that can be applied to everyday life. Although not listed here, my personal favorite has been a variant of "Life is just one crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead".

Note: I'd like to point out that only one of these quotes is from after 1997 (and it's from 1999 at that), proving my point that the Simpsons hasn't been legitimately funny for nearly 10 years.

Hey Congressman Murtha. Shut. the f***. up

2006-05-18T22:14:00.000-04:00

Today, one of our congressmen, Rep. John Murtha, D-Pennsylvania, offered up this juicy tidbit to the press regarding a war crimes probe in Iraq: "There was no firefight. There was no IED that killed these innocent people. Our troops overreacted because of the pressure on them, and they killed innocent civilians in cold blood".

I'm not upset about the news itself, but more the way it was presented. As much as you don't want to see civilians killed, especially at the hands of loose cannon soldiers, it will occasionally happen in a war. As for this particular issue, no one knows the exact details...only that the goverment has launched a probe and we can only hope that appropriate punishment is doled out to those involved...if it's even deserved. What we *don't* need is our politicians trying to make a name for themselves, acting in an insubordinate fashion and willingly making the country they represent look bad.

Exactly *why* was Murtha even discussing this subject? Per the MSNBC article: "Murtha held the news conference to mark six months since his initial call for "redeployment" of U.S. forces from Iraq." So Murtha, in an act to make himself look good, basically volunteered negative information about our country. Why would any patriotic politician not only offer up this information willingly via a press conference, but intentionally spin it in such a negative fashion with terms like "killed innocent civilians in cold blood"? Exactly which country is Murtha supposed to represent? Is this supposed to help? Making us look like an ass to the rest of the world?

If I had gone on a podium and publically insulted the company I worked for, I'd be out of a job the next morning...if not that evening. If Murtha has a problem, take it up internally. Keep it as low key as possible and try to keep the company line. Don't go in front of the public and bash your country and the troops defending it in front of the enemy. These are the reasons why the terrorists think they can win...they think the U.S. will succumb to infighting. And it's people like Murtha who are enablers...although they think they're helping out, they're simply giving more ammunition to the enemy.

Dumbass.

If Montecore can't finish the job, Cole Ford will.

2006-05-11T21:48:00.000-04:00

Apparently, nothing pisses off ex-Raiders kickers more than flamboyant illusionists with white tigers...maybe it's those silver & black Zubaz-like outfits they wear.

Trust me, I was as stunned as everyone else when I first heard about this in 2004. But as a Raider fan, you get used to these things. Rolf Benirschke goes from Chargers kicker to hosting the Wheel of Fortune. Hall of Fame defensive lineman Alan Page goes from the football field to serving as as associate justice on the Minnesota Supreme Court. Cole Ford goes from the gridiron to shooting at Las Vegas celebrities' houses. Hey, to each his own. He's a Raider for crying out loud, what did you expect?

Odd note: Rolf Benirschke was actually drafted by the Raiders in 1977 before going to the Chargers.

Royals fan sells team loyalty for $278

2006-05-07T07:54:00.000-04:00

Boy, this pretty much sums up my lifetime of following baseball. Minus the $278, of course.

I'm trying to become a Phillies fan again, which I was prior to 1980 (actually, prior to the 1980 World Series, which is when I...with the wisdom of a fickle 10-year old...inexplicably switched teams). Now that Matt's almost old enough to attend a baseball game, I even went and bought him a Phillies outfit, hoping that him and I could enjoy following the same team. It's difficult to get into Phillies games again, but I'm trying...

Father Hughes, ex-ND principal, pleads guilty

2006-05-05T07:14:00.000-04:00

Father Joseph Hughes, former principal of my alma mater Notre Dame (high school), was sentenced to five years in prison for embezzling just over $2 million from the Rumson, NJ parish. This case had two of the typical goodies that seem to involve Catholic priests recently...theft of funds and a gay relationship (or at least strong hints of one). Fortunately, at least no children were involved in this tale.

Well, we always knew Father Hughes had deep pockets when he was at ND. He drove an expensive car (I forget if it was a Mercedes or BMW) and there was a lot of rumors about the academic credentials (or lack thereof) of the better athletes at the school. So, I guess the next logical question is...how long has the embezzling been going on? Was ND also plundered?

One more thing about this story that pisses me off doesn't deal with Father Hughes at all, but our wonderful local coverage of it...more specifically, the websites of the two Trenton newspapers. Today's article came from the Star Ledger, but there's no mention of it in either the Trentonian's or the Trenton Times' websites. What? No one remembered his roots before Rumson and Holy Cross? I tried to find their contact information to give them a heads up on the story, and what happens? The Trentonian's contact information is nowhere to be found on the website. I guess they weren't planning on anyone tipping them off on a story. Fortunately, at least the Times had an email you can send tips to.

Nyyah nyyah nyyah nyyah nyyah nyyyyahhhhhh, al-Zarqawi can't fire a machiiiiiine gunnnnnn

2006-05-04T20:50:00.000-04:00

Whenever I read the news and get depressed about the mainstream media's general coverage of Iraq, sometimes I come across a gem that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Apparently, in the unedited version of al-Zarqawi's latest video, the terrorist leader is revealed to be someone incompetent in handling a machine gun. From CNN's report:

Al-Zarqawi is seen walking toward a white pickup truck in "New Balance tennis shoes" with associates around him, called "his trusted advisers" by Lynch.

They "do things like grab the hot barrel of a machine gun and burn themselves," Lynch said, narrating the video to reporters.

In another portion, Lynch said, "Here's Zarqawi, the ultimate warrior, trying to shoot his machine gun.

"It's supposed to be automatic fire. He's shooting single shots one at a time. Something's wrong with his machine gun. He looks down, can't figure it out. He calls his friend to unblock the stoppage and get the weapon firing again."

This may seem like small potatoes to the majority of us who have rarely, if ever, handled a firearm. But for *these* guys…who have spent their entire lives training for combat…being unable to operate a machine gun has to be pretty humiliating…especially when you’re their leader.

And these are people who take their pride seriously. I remember a news report out of Afghanistan around 2002 when Marines were reporting how easy it was to pick off the Taliban…all you had to do was shout insults at them and they’d come flying out of their hiding spots in a rage. Maybe we can play this footage in fast motion, complete with Benny Hill’s “Yakety Sax” music playing in the background, and get it aired on an Iraqi TV channel to taunt the insurgents (although somehow I don’t think Al Jazeera would be up for hosting it).

On a separate note, you’ve also got to love the image of the American-hating leader sporting a pair of American-based New Balance sneakers. Nothing like hypocrisy.

Redefining "Big Uglies"

2006-05-04T12:18:00.000-04:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you Paul McQuistan, offensive lineman from Weber State and drafted by the Oakland Raiders in the 2006 NFL draft. (hat tip to Raider Take)

Along with fellow linemate Robert Gallery (taken #2 overall in the 2004 draft), these two redefine the phrase "big uglies". Although the image presented of Gallery in the link above is somewhat flattering, he tends to more resemble "The Undertaker" of WWF/WWE fame. As for the McQuistan photo...wellll...lets just hope his PR people find a more suitable photo. From this one, the dude looks like a cross between a young Danny Bonaduce and Rocky Dennis from "Mask".

Finally, a Royal worth something

2006-05-03T08:03:00.000-04:00

As a longtime Royal fan and as a person who spent the better part of his life "investing" in sports cards (hopefully someone doesn't lose his lunch with that comment), I'm happy to see a Royal card that's NOT the 1975 George Brett "mini" that's actually worth some money. Apparently, Topps overlooked a recent contractual agreement prohibiting "rookie" sports cards from being produced unless the player had either played in the majors the year before, or opened the 2006 season on the 25 man roster. Alex Gordon did neither. After realizing their error, Topps pulled the card off the market. The law of supply and demand kicked in and the card price skyrocketed. The fact that Gordon is a hot prospect has only helped matters...but don't worry, the Royals farm system will reduce his name to a mere novelty in a few years.

As a sports fan since...oh...forever, I've collected cards since I was about four. In fact, I think it was a 1973-74 Gregg Sheppard card...for whatever reason...that inspired me to become a Bruins fan. Now that I think about it, I can probably blame that bastard for years of heartache, but that's a different topic. Anyway, I was hooked on cards at an early age and had a gold mine on my hands when the market actually became profitable in the mid-late eighties. Unfortunately, I was still well addicted up until about 2001 or so...well after the market stalled when people started to realize, "wait a minute....why am I paying $75 for a card that's been mass produced into the millions?"...which meant that I promptly threw whatever profit I might have made right out the window.

So being a longtime sucker, I'm a bit skeptical of this move by Topps. In fact, I've tended to be suspicious of "error" cards since the late eighties and early nineties when they seemed to be commonplace among card manufacturers. It seemed that most card sets between Topps, Fleer, Donruss, Score and Upper Deck seemed had at least two or three cards in it that had either a reversed image, a missing position listing, a mispelling, a wrong photo, etc. What card collector can ever forget the infamous Billy Ripken "FUCK FACE" card in 1989? Although mistakes can happen, these companies were well aware that changing a card mid-production run created two (sometimes more) scarce cards on the marketplace. And the prospect of landing a rare card brought more people out to buy their product.

So thanks for the rare Alex Gordon card Topps, but I ain't buying it...figuratively or literally. Besides, the last Royals rookie named Gordon I invested heavily in is now pitching for the Phillies...and I think I own about 17 of the 5,000,000 cards produced of him that year. And as I speak, someone on eBay's willing to part with 25 of the premium Upper Decks of that year for $7.99. Throw in the $2.00 S/H and that comes to $9.99...or roughly 40 cents a card.

I can't wait for Skynyrd's retaliation song

2006-04-27T21:26:00.000-04:00

I've always liked Neil Young. Perhaps it's my fascination with odd sounding lead singers. Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young, his solo work, even some old Buffalo Springfield. I always took the lyrics of his protest songs with a grain of salt, just seeing them as simply a product of the 60's.

But now his anti-American rhetoric is pissing me off. Here's the lyrics to his latest song, "Let's Impeach the President":

Let’s impeach the president for lying
And leading our country into war
Abusing all the power that we gave him
And shipping all our money out the door

He’s the man who hired all the criminals
The White House shadows who hide behind closed doors
And bend the facts to fit with their new stories
Of why we have to send our men to war

Let’s impeach the president for spying
On citizens inside their own homes
Breaking every law in the country
By tapping our computers and telephones

What if Al Qaeda blew up the levees
Would New Orleans have been safer that way
Sheltered by our government’s protection
Or was someone just not home that day?

Let’s impeach the president
For hijacking our religion and using it to get elected
Dividing our country into colors
And still leaving black people neglected

Thank god he’s cracking down on steroids
Since he sold his old baseball team
There’s lot of people looking at big trouble
But of course the president is clean

Thank God

Where do I start here?

Most of these lyrics are extremely strong exaggerations or outright lies.
What do you mean "our country" asshole? Last time I checked, you were Canadian. Maybe instead of "president", you meant to say "prime minister"?
Exactly what prompted him to write this song? Last I heard, he was writing "Let's Roll" in honor of the victims of Flight 93. Is the cash flow starting to dry out for Neil? Maybe he realized it's time for him to try to recapture some of his youth (and cash) by writing protest songs again. I'm sure he'd be able to regain some of popularity with the loony left by offering crackpot theories that appeal to them.

You don't like America? Stay in Canada and shut the fuck up. What? You want Toby Keith to start releasing songs criticizing the metric system, socialized medicine and Molson Ice? Yeah, I didn’t *think* so.

Note: I love Canada, and I love the majority of Canadians (although, as a Bruins fan, the Montreal Canadiens are my mortal enemies). I’d go to war to defend Canada if, for any strange reason, they were attacked. To me, Canada is like a family member...you don't always see eye-to-eye with them, but there's so many similarities between you that you overlook the minor disagreements. When the chips are down, we can count on Canada (don't forget the Iranian Hostage Crisis in 1979) and Canada knows they can count on us. I just don’t like foreigners proselytizing their beliefs, especially when they’re doing it under the guise of being an American.

When children's programming goes bad

2006-04-17T17:41:00.000-04:00

Bert, Ernie, unavailable for comment.

Highest/lowest gas prices for your area

2006-04-17T16:34:00.000-04:00

Feeling the pinch and tired of driving around looking for the best gas prices? Check out this link from MSN which allows you to search for the best prices by your zip code. I haven't validated the accuracy of this, so if you have any feedback...or have a better website...post a comment!

AP's complete misrepresentation of South Park

2006-04-13T18:36:00.000-04:00

This tidbit from an AP story on CNN.com discussing last night's South park episode...

....................................

"NEW YORK (AP) -- Banned by Comedy Central from showing an image of the Islamic prophet Mohammed, the creators of "South Park" skewered their own network for hypocrisy in the cartoon's most recent episode.

The comedy -- in an episode aired during Holy Week for Christians -- instead featured an image of Jesus Christ defecating on President Bush and the American flag....."

Later in the article...

"....The executive decides to strike a blow for free speech and agrees to show it. But at the point where Mohammed is to be seen, the screen is filled with the message: "Comedy Central has refused to broadcast an image of Mohammed on their network."

It is followed shortly by the images of Christ, Bush and the flag."

..............................

This is taken completely out of context. If you know nothing about South Park, or at least had just missed last night's episode, you'd probably be up in arms about this story...which apparently is what AP wanted.

I saw the episode and I assure you that the whole "defecation" scene isn't nearly as shocking as AP would have you believe (it may be somewhat shocking to unfamiliar viewers, but it's fairly tame by South Park tastes). What AP conveniently didn't elaborate on in their article was exactly what transpired to lead up to the scene in question. In fact the whole, curt line of "it is followed shortly by the images of Christ, Bush and the flag" reeks of deception and effectively rushes you along to their conclusion without giving a proper explanation of why Trey Parker and Matt Stone put them in there.

Since AP refuses to provide context, let me do it for you: after the airing of the picture of Mohammed in a "Family Guy" episode, Al Qaeda retaliates by airing a poorly produced cartoon mocking the common rich white guy in America. After some bad dialogue, the characters begin inexplicably defecating on each other. Shortly afterwards, Al Qaeda goes for the throat by introducing President Bush into the fracas, then Jesus. The joke here is that Al Qaeda tries to offend us on the same grounds that we offended them...only much worse...and they fail miserably.

But AP curiously leaves all of this out...probably because it would detract from their own article's shock value. And this is just a story about South Park. If AP isn't providing the full story here, exactly how many *other* stories are they feeding us with half-truths?

RIAA nails the Columbus Farmers Market

2006-04-04T05:38:00.000-04:00

Here's a major local story which made the AP wire. Apparently, the Columbus Farmers Market...a popular location for many of us in central NJ...has been found liable for the sales of pirated music on their grounds. In other words, the RIAA just dropped a legal WMD on Burlington County.

I guess this doesn't really shock me...things like this have been going on for years. While I haven't frequented "Columbus" (as it's known to the locals, as nobody really goes to Columbus for anything else) much in the last decade, I can only assume that piracy has run rampant there since the popularity of MP3 files (in fact, I just now discovered that the place has been raided by police at least twice since 2000 for illegal music CDs). Much like "Englishtown" (the other local flea market known simply by the otherwise mostly nondescript town it resides in), I recall Columbus being the home of cheap pornos on VHS, knock-off "Sorny" stereos and cheapo rock t-shirts. The concept of someone trying to turn a quick, illegal buck at one of these places doesn't surprise me.

The most egregious offense I've ever seen was at a fair in Levittown, PA, where someone set up a table selling pirated movies. And we're not talking downloaded video here, we're talking good old fashioned guy-in-a-trenchcoat-with-a-camcorder videos of movies that just made it into the theater. When I asked the person I was with about this she said, "yeah, they're here every year". The worse part about this? This was a CHURCH fair.

So now I have to wonder about the future of the Columbus Farmers Market. According to the article they were found liable of damages that could range from $500,000 to $125 million. As big as Columbus is, I can't imagine them being able to pay out that kind of money. Columbus has been around for as far as I can remember but it wouldn't surprise me if this forced them out of business.

The person hardest hit by that scenario would be my father who searches these places endlessly for bargains. Hell, he seems to show up with a new "dollar" toy for Matt every other week. His house is 60% populated by singing, anthropomorphic novelty toys that make you want to chuck them out the window after three minutes. The worst part is that he doesn't buy just one, he buys *several* of them with the intent of giving them out to friends and relatives (wanna guess who the prime recipient is?) Well, if Columbus folds, at least he'll still have Englishtown to fall back on...unless the RIAA has targeted them too.

The annual letdown

2006-03-30T22:41:00.000-05:00

It's about this time every year where I start shaking off my winter doldrums and start feeling alive again. I start waking up to daylight again, the temperatures start reaching up into sixties and the smell of spring (aka pollen) is in the air.

But I always start feeling spring a little bit sooner than that. To me, spring is when the baseball magazines start coming out. From the team preview magazines to the fantasy baseball ones, just the mere thought of baseball refreshes my soul.

But the funny thing is that I can't figure out why. I kind of have a love-hate relationship with baseball. I follow the sport religiously, I play in way too many fantasy leagues but, for the love of God, I can't stand sitting through an entire game. No matter how much I try, I seem to lose interest by the 5th or 6th inning. And it's not just being a Royals fan either...although I'm sure no one would blame me for not being able to sit through one of their games. I have this problem with the playoffs and the World Series too.

I know baseball can be boring to a lot of people, but if you pay attention, it's really an exciting game. Each pitch is a move in a chess game, with the batter trying to guess the pitchers next attack while countering with one of his own. The casual viewer usually doesn't notice, but if you're really in tune with the game there's so many little nuances to be found that you can really get sucked in. It's like of those stereograms that were popular in the mid-nineties...once you see the hidden image it's hard to look away.

But It's like I can't stay focused recently. My mind drifts from pitch to pitch until I don't remember what happened to the last three batters. It's like I can't let myself relax during a game and I'm always thinking about something else. Part of that is probably the curse of being a Royals fan. The team hasn't been a true contender in over a decade, their roster has hardly even been worth getting excited about recently and they're usually mathematically eliminated by May.

Anyway, I'm going to try to change that this year. Since DirecTV usually offers the first week free of all of it's sports packages in order to attract potential buyers, I've taken off from work on Monday so that I can watch the first full slate of games across the country, and especially the first Royal game of the year. Hey, I usually only get to see the Royals when they play the Yankees, and even then only when it's over a weekend. So, what the hell, why not get one game out of the way now at the beginning of the year before they fall out of contention?

And I'll sit through at least one game, even if I need the help of Mister Sam Adams to do it.

Besides, spring is in the air...maybe I'll even put my TV out on the back patio and watch it there!

Overdue Matthew pics

2006-03-23T11:26:00.000-05:00

It's been a while since I posted pics of Matt, so here's a couple to keep his fans happy.

In the first one, Matt shows his support for his favorite football team. As his father, I have the right to choose his favorite team for him, at least until he's old enough to understand that his "favorite" team...who hasn't won a Super Bowl in 23 years...currently sucks, and he decides on a more trendy team to follow instead (hey, I claimed the Raiders in the mid-seventies myself back when they were good).

The second picture is a far less flattering shot but I'm displaying this not because of Matt, but because of what's going on over to the left. To whoever doesn't believe me that my cat mooches food like a dog, here's my proof. The only thing is that he's not just an opportunist like a dog who'll wait for food to hit the ground. As you can see, Homer will create his own opportunities whenever possible.

If it wasn't for disappointment, I wouldn't have any appointments

2006-03-16T18:48:00.000-05:00

I've been a bit lax with posting new material up here recently, but that's mostly because nothing's really been going on.

I just recently realized that what was once a mildly pathetic social life has blossomed into a completely pathetic social life. I've always been a stay-at-home kind of guy, preferring to surround myself with creature comforts instead of venturing out and...well...being social.

It's kind of hard to pinpoint the exact start of this, but I'd have to say my job has been mostly to blame. Back in my late teens and most of my twenties, I had a crappy job working at a supermarket. Since it took me forever to get through school, I was usually working nights. And even when I *did* finally graduate, I got me a job supporting a major newspaper, meaning that the crunch times were always late at night. The shift never really bothered me...not only have I become immune to working nights, but I think I actually prefer it. There's something to be said about not having to face a nightmarish commute every day, nor having to deal with crowds when you want to run errands. Frankly, part of me even enjoys *not* feeling obliged to eat lunch with coworkers during the day. The downside to all of this is that it's killed any weeknight activities that I might have otherwise enjoyed. I can't play softball with friends, or go out to a bar afterwards. I can't go to a hockey/baseball game at night, nor can I enjoy one on TV (if it wasn't for TiVo, I'd never get to watch regular TV, period). So any social life I might have had, never really gained any footing because I can't do anything on weeknights to reinforce relationships. Frankly, I can't believe I'm fucking married.

All that being said, having a baby has just about been the final nail in the coffin. Whatever free time I had is now being spent with family. That's definitely not a bad thing, but it does complicate things from a social perspective. Of course, the next logical step here is to start having family/friends outings where everyone and their kids do group events, or to use your children's relationships to meet new people, but that's another topic altogether.

I don't think I realized how bad it had gotten until a couple of Fridays ago. I have a group of friends I hang out with on a semi-annual basis. Although we're all over the place now (northern NJ, Pennsylvania, Trenton), we try to get together at least once or twice a year. We've religiously gone to Atlantic City every time, but the commute's become a pain especially for my friends who, after arriving back at my house at 3 AM, find themselves having to drive another 90 minutes just to get home. So we were going to have one of our old fashioned sit around and bullshit nights where we just play cards and watch TV.

I was all geared up for it. About a month ago I throw about a dozen different season passes on my TiVo. The Munsters. Good Times. Seinfeld. The Simpsons. South Park. The Three Stooges. Benny Hill. What's Happening. Monty Python. Fawlty Towers. Pretty much any classic sitcom/cartoon from the last thirty years was on there. Hell, I even went out and bought myself a poker set...officially making myself the last male in the U.S. to own a poker set. All that planning and what happens? One of my friends...who works the graveyard shift...backs out at the last minute because he forgot to take off from work. And when he backed out, it opened the door for another guy who was borderline backing out himself. The whole night went up in smoke in a matter of minutes. I was devastated. I mean, *utterly* devastated. I was all prepared to have a good time and wound up having it all blow up at the last second. Shit like that never bothered me before, but because these opportunities come around so infrequently anymore, I wound up in a foul mood all night.

Anyway, people suck. Now I remember why I bury myself in Madden football and fantasy sports leagues all the time.

I've got a fever...

2006-03-13T20:31:00.000-05:00

...and the only prescription is more Cowbell Soundboard!

Note: for truly spaced out effects, repeatedly click the play button for "Don't Fear the Reaper".

Cock of the walk, baby!

Fantasy Baseball League

2006-03-10T08:22:00.000-05:00

Well, I think we all know how this is going to end considering the sports acumen of my regular audience (hi mom!), but here goes anyway.

(ahem)

Let me take a brief moment to invite everyone to my Yahoo! fantasy baseball league being held 10 PM ET (7 PM PT) this Saturday night (3/11). It's a deep league (15 batters, 10 pitchers) so if you know your baseball, come on in! If anything, it's a good time to kill time until the football season starts.

Yahoo! league ID: 222846
Password: royals

Woohoo! Free Porn Weekend!

2006-03-09T18:31:00.000-05:00

Hosted by a church, nonetheless!

What the hell are we calling this decade anyway?

2006-02-24T12:30:00.000-05:00

Seriously. In five years when VH1 does their "I Love The..." series about this decade, what will they be calling it? The 2000's? The Aughts? The Aughties? What the hell did they call it back in 1910?

*Update*: Apparently Wikipedia doesn't even know.

If I was into seances, this is how I would waste time with my grandparents.

"Grandma?"
"Tommy! I'm so happy! You've given me a beautiful great-grandchild! I'm so proud of you!"
"Uh yeah, that's great and all...but I have a question for you."
"What is it? Do you want to know how your grandfather and I are doing? Do you want to know what heaven is like?"
"Uh. Kinda. What I really want to know is...uh...what did they call the 1900's when you were alive?"
(uncomfortable silence)
"I always did like your sister best."

KFC commerical challenges TiVo users

2006-02-24T12:02:00.000-05:00

The big question in the ad industry recently has been how to combat the growing number of TiVo and other DVR users that fast forward through commercials. Is KFC on to something?

Maybe.

Here's the spoiler, found through a simple Google blog search (because none of us can keep secrets). The secret word is......buffalo.

My recommendation: start putting a slow motion video up in the top corner of commercials that'll show:

1. your company logo
2. maybe some text selling your product ("Super Crunchers this week only: 99 cents").

If they keep it simple, it'll permit at least the basics to be seen during a fast forward.

Contract of Wifely Expectations

2006-02-20T18:29:00.000-05:00

Where was this in 2003 when I got married? I'm going to plead the fifth on all other comments, just in case my wife happens to actually read my blog. :)

Bad choice of clothing

2006-02-16T16:04:00.000-05:00

So I'm in WaWa today grabbing coffee before I go to work and a guy with a full blown, mid-eighties Wayne Gretzky Edmonton Oiler jersey is there. As he's walking out, I say to him, "ooof, all you need is a guy in a Tocchet jersey with a wad of money following you around and you'd be all set". He just mumbled something under his breath and walked away.

Let's briefly recap Gretzky history. Wayne Gretzky played for the Edmonton (Alberta, Canada) Oilers up until the late eighties. He finished his career with the New York Rangers in 1999. Aside from coaching the Phoenix Coyotes and Team Canada in the Olympics, he's been relatively out of the spotlight until the recent gambling scandal that arose last week.

Dude, if you're going to wear an Oilers Gretzky jersey NOW, you'd better have a sense of humor. You don't see me walking around dressed like Dick Cheney in an orange hunting blazer, and if I did, you know I'd be smiling.

Why you always, ALWAYS play in the office lottery pool

2006-02-14T18:41:00.000-05:00

Now that Powerball is at $300 million, here are the only two reasons you need to justify playing in your co-workers' office pool.

1. If they win, you'll be miserable that you didn't get in on the action.
2. Not only will you be miserable, you'll also be left doing their workload when they all quit on you, making your life a living hell.

Case closed. Your $5 entry fee is well worth the peace of mind you'll receive.

Drat!

2006-02-05T08:26:00.000-05:00

Crap, I've been tagged.

Four jobs you’ve had in your life:

Paperboy
Almost every job possible at a supermarket
Help Desk at the Wall Street Journal
IT operations manager

Four movies you can watch over and over:

Four places you have lived:

Mercerville, NJ
Trenton, NJ
Hamilton, NJ
A Sheltered Life

Four TV shows you love to watch:

Family Guy
Ghost Hunters
MythBusters
Top Five Reasons You Can't Blame...

Favorite afterlife:

Valhalla
Heck
Undead
The 1996 video game

Four places you have been on vacation:

Rio De Janiero, Brazil
Nassau, Bahamas
Montreal, Quebec
With the exception of anything northwest of Missouri, pretty much all of the U.S.

Four websites you visit daily:

Favorite vertebrae:

Seventh
Thirty-third
Nineteenth
Steve

Four of your favorite foods:

Red Robin's peppercorn burger
Rita's cookies & cream Misto
Golden Dawn's tuna melt
Coffee. I don't care if it's not a "food".

Four places you would rather be right now:

In a large mansion, laying in bed with TVs surrounding me.
At the Super Bowl
In Boston, watching a hockey game
In Boston, at the Samuel Adams plant

Favorite Languages:

Sanskrit
Sign
Swedish Chef
... . -- .- .--. .... --- .-. .

Four bloggers you’re tagging (who are under no obligation to continue):

I Like Faggy Bands and I Don't Know Why

2006-02-02T23:03:00.000-05:00

So as I’m sitting there listening to Secret Machines’ “The Road Leads Where It’s Led”, it hits me…these are some of the stupidest lyrics I’ve ever heard (“we communicate by semaphore, no language we’ve got flags of our own”??), the lead singer’s inflections have me questioning his sexuality and, even worse, I can’t stop listening to it. Not only that, I’ve played four of the five first songs on the album OVER and OVER again and now I’m starting to get into the last half of the album.

If this was the first time this had happened, I could live with it, but I’m still reeling from the Placebo album I bought back in the late nineties, in which I heard “Pure Morning” on some internet broadcast and thought the guy sounded like Geddy Lee. Problem is that Geddy Lee is cool, but the lead singer of Placebo kinda dressed like a woman.

But not only that, pretty much every band that I’ve ever really gotten into was kind of on the outskirts of coolness, or at least never outright masculine like, say, George Thorogood or Van Halen.

It all started with ELO, a band to which this day, I still follow almost religiously. ELO was never cool, at least not amongst my friends. I endured endless ribbing through grade school, especially when I was in denial during their disco phase in the late seventies (yeah that’s right Ed, after 25 years, I’m finally admitting you were right).

Then I got into Yes and Rush during the eighties. Fortunately, Rush always had a degree of coolness, but Yes went downhill quickly after their brief 90125 resurgence. Unfortunately, following those bands led to numerous embarrassing situations in my car when I found myself singing in a high falsetto voice with the window open.

Then in the nineties, it was They Might Be Giants, which just about labeled me an outcast amongst most of my friends. Fortunately, I had Tool and A Perfect Circle in the late nineties to allow me to save face…although some of THEIR lyrics have me scratching my head about Maynard James Keenan’s sexuality.

It’s not that I’m a homophobe…at least I don’t think I am. It’s just that when you’re alone in your car, blasting your radio and fantasizing that you’re the lead singer of the band, there needs to some relevance to the lyrics that you’re singing. So when you get to a song with lyrics like “all the darlings cover earth with bare hands”, it’s kind of a buzzkill.

The problem is that I have an addictive personality when it comes to music. All I need is to be pulled in by one song and the next thing you know, I’ve downloaded their entire catalog and have listened to it exclusively for a year straight. It happened with ELO (Telephone Line), Yes (Roundabout), They Might Be Giants (Birdhouse in Your Soul) and Tool (Sober). And the goddamn Secret Machines song I heard (Now Here is Nowhere) I came across by simply flipping through channels and catching the video on MTV2 (yes, they were actually playing a video).

So now I’m hoping that I come across something else soon to end this Secret Machines fascination. The worst part is that I’m sort of an elitist…I can’t follow a band that someone recommends to me. I have to find it on my own so that I can claim it as my own in some stupid way, and not feel like I’m sponging off of someone else’s favorite.

Aw Shucks!

2006-01-30T06:06:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the delay, but here's a Christmas picture of Matt that I've been meaning to post. The look is classic. Click on the image for a larger size.

Grade School Teachers of the World: American Idle thanks you

2006-01-25T20:49:00.000-05:00

Wondering about the recent boost in my site traffic, I turned to SiteMeter's handy-dandy "location" tool to find out why. I discovered that, no, I've haven't really attracted any additional outside interest and that my blog is about as unpopular as ever...not really surprising since a) this blog has no theme and b) this has turned into a way for me to convey my sporadic rants to a far more reaching audience than mere emails ever could.

The reason is far more simple...with the hit show back on the air, no one seems to understand how to spell American "IDOL" and their searches land them on my site instead.

So thank you grade school teachers and principals (or is that principles?)...thanks to your ineffectiveness, my blog has gotten more hits than ever! While you're here, make sure you click on those little ads down at the bottom!

On a separate yet ironic note, I love how Blogspot's spell checker thinks "blog" is a misspelling.

"Thank God this Ain't Snow"

2006-01-23T08:08:00.000-05:00

**UPDATE**: The Sunday-Monday rain total for the Trenton area was .76 inches. Figure that in and the January total is up to 3.91 inches - or about 39.1 inches of snow if the weather was cold enough.

...as I've said before, and will continue to say for as long as this unseasonable deluge continues.

For as grumpy as we tend to become on rainy days, we should be somewhat happy that, aside from that odd few inches we got the other weekend, we haven't spent any time this year shoveling our driveways, risking our lives on the icy roads, or battling the masses at the supermarkets for that last gallon of milk (even though it seems that 75% of central NJ drives SUVs).

So far in January...not including what fell last night...we've gotten 3.15 inches of precipitation in the Trenton area. The old rule of thumb states that one inch of rain equals roughly 10 inches of snow. So, using that equation, we'd have had to shovel out about 31 and a half inches of snow so far if the weather was cold enough.

That's right, almost three feet.

And again, this isn't including what we've gotten last night and continues to fall this morning...which may be another .5 to 1 inch of rain...maybe more. So factor that in and we're talking another 5-10 inches (of snow), which moves us over the potential 3 foot mark and closer to 4 feet.

Something to think about when you're bitching about the weather this morning.

Fun with Woodland Critters

2006-01-16T22:06:00.000-05:00

About two weeks ago, my wife brought an unusual sight to my attention. Apparently, her and her mother were looking out of our glass sliding door onto our back patio at about 8 AM when an unlikely creature sauntered by...a red fox.

Now, if we lived out in the sticks, this wouldn't surprise me. But we live out in the suburbs and, although there are SOME woods nearby, a red fox isn't something I would expect to see. I told my neighbor about it and he said that he also saw a fox in his back yard either last year or two years ago, so apparently these things aren't as uncommon as I'd have expected. Plus, he also noted that one of the local developments is named "Foxmoor", so maybe the name did mean something and wasn't just the brainchild of some cutesy developer.

But today I saw something that really made me scratch my head. I was on the side of my house, checking out the new siding that's in the process of being installed and I come across a severed deer leg laying in the stone bedding, right next to one of the contractor's cardboard boxes. No deer carcass...just a leg, about a foot and a half long. Could it be the fox and one of his meals? Something else?

Ruling out any bizarre contractor vinyl-siding ritual sacrifices (although I wouldn't be adverse to that if it improved the quality of work), I called my stepfather who spends every other weekend out in the woods hunting. He'd be able to offer some insight. He came over later in the afternoon and identified the leg as that of a doe and speculated that it was a recent kill by a local hunter (apparently, Saturday was "Doe day") and either a dog, fox, or coyote might have pulled it out of the trash.

Yes, I just said coyote. In Hamilton Square. What's next, bison? Red-necked wallabies? Mormons?

We don't have a fence and we have a 16 month old son who's going to be exploring the yard come March. So I think tomorrow I'm going to check out some of the hidden areas in my backyard to make sure there's nothing hiding out there. If you don't see my blog updated in two weeks, send out the authorities. (I'd say sooner, but I don't want to rule out general laziness)

Trenton's Most Popular Protest This Year

2006-01-15T11:50:00.000-05:00

Growing up in a smoke filled house, but never having smoked myself, I'm kind of indifferent on the whole indoor smoking thing. Smoke really doesn't bother me and, with my background, if I haven't developed cancer from second hand smoke, I never will. Besides, I've always thought curtailing the tobacco industry...even though it's run by a bunch of unscrupulous bastards...would hurt the economy.

However, here's an indoor-smoking ban protest in Trenton I wish I had attended!

My Eyes!!! The Goggles Do Nothing!!!

2006-01-12T17:37:00.000-05:00

Allright, maybe I should cut her a little slack but...wow...this is Melissa Joan Hart either right before or after she had her baby. Sure has come a come long way from this. For fantasy's sake, here's to hoping she regains her old form soon...

And what's up with that right eye?

Nothing like a live video game reenactment

2006-01-12T15:15:00.000-05:00

Just when you thought you've seen it all, some high school (Japanese?) presents...Mike Tyson's Punch Out!

This just in: "Top Democrat troubled by Alito's answers"

2006-01-11T12:27:00.000-05:00

Why is this news, let alone the headliner item on CNN's webpage?

In the world of partisan politics, it's a given that whoever the guy in charge nominates is going to be opposed by the opposite party. Especially nowadays where Bush could race into a burning building, rescue 20 orphans and their puppies, and still get criticized by Democrats. ("Why is he putting his life at stake?" "Why didn't he rescue the kittens?" "Twelve of the orphans were white, why weren't more black orphans rescued? Why not more black puppies?")

Wake me up if Alito gets unanimous approval from BOTH parties and stop bothering me with partisan non-news bullshit.

UPDATE: You've probably figured this out, but at the time of submission, "Top Democrat troubled by Alito's Answers" was the headline...it's since been modified by CNN.

♫ It's Myyyyyy Cassssshhhh ♫

2006-01-05T11:43:00.000-05:00

NJ is thinking about paying a quarter million to use a crappy Bon Jovi song in an upcoming advertising campaign?

I wonder if John Linnell gets these kind of offers?

Enough Wine to Choke a Transient

2006-01-04T18:53:00.000-05:00

**UPDATE** - here's my wine/champagne stock
Nando Chianti Classico 2003
Nando Pinot Grigio 2004
Galasso Trebbiano D'Abruzzo 2001
Luna di Luna Merlot-Cabernet 2002
Luna di Luna Chardonnay-Pinot Grigio 2003
Sutter Home White Zinfandel 2004
Sutter Home Chardonnay 1996
Chateau La Salle Blanc
Avery Lane Merlot 2001
Leonardini Chardonnay 1998
Forest Glen White Zinfandel 2003
Tomasello Cranberry wine
Paul Laurent Champagne
Moet & Chandon Champagne
****

Well, now that the holidays have come and gone, the wine cellar at Dubé Bidet Vineyards has expanded again.

Some people get fruitcake for the holidays. Others get ugly sweaters. I get wine.

I can't complain too much...it's a nice gift...it really is...it's just that neither Debbie nor I are wine drinkers. We get them as occasional gifts from co-workers and on the rare occasion we throw a party, we wind up receiving more wine than we consume.

This past New Year's Eve I was hoping to at least go through a bottle of champagne that's been sitting downstairs for about three years, but then we had to back out of plans with my sister. I'd have talked Debbie into plunging into a bottle ourselves, but she doesn't like champagne. So the bottle sits downstairs for another year, next to the other bottle of champagne we got two years ago. Maybe I'll get lucky and there'll be something to celebrate that'll require me to open a bottle or...zounds...perhaps both! But, in reality, they'll both be there on 12/31/2006. And then plans will fall through again and they'll continue sitting there, with the Don Ho bubbles slowly losing their will to escape, until one day I'll realize the champagne is too old and I'll have to throw it away...which will probably be in 2012 when everybody will be over and then I go to open my six bottles of champagne (trust me, I'll receive more by then) only to find all of them flat.

But the champagne is the least of my problems. I'm up to about a dozen bottles of wine. And the worst part about wine is that you can't just easily open one up, have a glass here and there, and let it sit in fridge for a few months. You have to drink it all relatively close to the time you open it. And I'm an impulsive guy. Knowing all this, if I see an open bottle of wine in the fridge, I'll start thinking "Boy, I really should drink that before I have to throw it out". And the next thing you know, I'll be sitting around the house drunk in my underwear and a wife-beater T-shirt while my lawn grows out of control. Wait. I do that already...just with a Winnipeg Jets T-shirt and a coffee buzz.

So I don't know what to do. I'm not even enough of a wine connoisseur to be able to tell if that 1998 White Zinfandel is good enough to drink, or if it's become vinegar. If I knew that, I might at least be able to ditch a good portion of my stock now...maybe even regift the rest while pushing the values of a 1999 Corbett Canyon Cabernet Sauvignon ("I'm telling you Dave, you just can't find those around anymore!").

I might even just have an impromptu party where the theme is "Drink all my wine, goddamn it!"

And the first one who brings another bottle of wine as a present will discover why it's called Dubé Bidet Vineyards.

Oil Change Blues

2006-01-02T07:43:00.000-05:00

Being about 900 miles past the due date for my next oil change, I call Toyota's service department on Friday to see if they happened to be opened today (1/2), which is usually the celebrated holiday when the actual one falls on a Sunday. They say, sure, they're open from 7-7.

So I get up early this morning and head on over since previous experience has proven that it's best to get there as soon as possible. I show up at 7:10 and a Toyota guy in the parking lot tells me the service department doesn't open until 7:30. I went to the door and confirmed the 7:30 opening time. Not that big of a deal...I'll just go to McDonalds or something and get me some breakfast.

So I come back at 7:30 as the doors are opening and check in the car. The guy at the counter then proceeds to tell me that no technicians come in until 8.

What the fuck? I guess I can see opening at 7:30 so that people can drop off their car before they head in to work, but since people frequently get their oil changed at the dealer you think you'd make the 8 AM time abundantly clear to people who are planning to wait for their car to be serviced.

Well, neither I nor Debbie are working today, so fortunately there's no real harm done. But, man, I could have slept later.

At least they have free coffee and wi-fi!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hannukah, Happy Kwa...awww hell, Happy Holidays!

2005-12-24T16:32:00.000-05:00

There may be a war on Christmas, but I'm too lazy to fight it.

Ghosts & UFOs

2005-12-20T17:40:00.000-05:00

Ghosts & UFOs. Never having experienced either, I’ve always casual opinions on the subjects.

Sure there are a lot of nut jobs and/or intoxicated people whose claims have been sketchy, but they can’t ALL be dismissed, can they? Besides, I’ve always chosen to believe in them simply for the “that’s cooool” factor.

I never really fell too deep in thought about before, although once I started watching Ghost Hunters, it all changed. For those who have never seen it, it’s a team of people led by two people who work as plumbers by day and use high tech equipment to hunt paranormal activity at night. Their goal is to try to prove or disprove supposed hauntings with a slew of surveillance cameras, tape recorders, thermometers and EMF scanners. Unlike other groups that are out there, they are more inclined to disprove hauntings (so they say) than they are to support them…basically taking an “it-ain’t-haunted-until-we-have-proof” stance. The show is very entertaining with some episodes coming up empty and others hitting a jackpot (although THOSE episodes are usually saved for the season finale). Naturally, you have to take these kinds of shows with a bit of suspicion as you don’t know if you’re being taken in the end by a bunch of actors or if it’s all legit. Plus, you know the network is probably putting pressure on them to put out a good show, so you know entertainment might possibly win out over reality in the end. Either way, it’s still cooooooool.

The oddest things that are regularly picked up are the EVPs (electronic voice phenomena). Basically, it’s asking questions to an empty room and then hearing unexplained sounds or voices when the tape is played back. One episode featured a guy living in his grandparents’ house and then having his grandfather’s voice played back to him on tape when they did their investigation.

All these things have made me further question the existence of ghosts and, most importantly, why and how? I’m a pretty grounded guy, I need some sort of feasible explanation. Since I have no expertise on this subject, I can only postulate with a “what if”. Here goes.

What if ghosts exist, but our brain does not have the capacity to fully comprehend them? Think of our brains as a radio that’s tuned in to the world around us. Anything existing on another frequency, we can’t see or hear. Dog’s can hear thing that humans can’t, so why can’t there be “frequencies” that we’re not aware of. We don’t know what we don’t know. Periodically, someone sees a ghost, but it’s often late at night or early morning when the mind is tired. Elderly people claim to see and hear loved ones while on their deathbeds. In each case, the brain is drifting and unfocused. Much like a radio, these would be times that a stray frequency might be heard.

Besides, it’s well known that we only have a slight grasp of what they human brain is capable of…maybe this is something we just haven’t developed yet. Maybe as babies we can see this other frequency but the world we’ve come to know had the stronger signal and we learned to tune into this one at a certain stage of development.

As for the EVPs, why would unheard voices suddenly appear on tape? I’m no audiophile like some guys, but what if tape recordings compress these unknown frequencies into one channel…much how like stereo becomes mono on basic equipment?

And this also applies to UFOs. I’m convinced there’s other life out there simply because I can’t believe with a universe this big that we’re the only ones. I’m sure any intelligent life out there has figured out that we have a blind spot in our minds and use that to their advantage to “cloak” themselves. Again, UFO sightings frequently occur at times when the mind is prone to resting.

I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s had this opinion, so if anyone’s familiar with this standpoint and can point me to any similar writings, let me know.

Also, any cool ghost or UFO stories are also welcome. :)

A Brush With Perfection

2005-12-15T12:38:00.000-05:00

Noted sports blog Deadspin has been running athlete run-in stories for the last few weeks and I...oblivious that I am...just remembered yesterday that I had my own athlete run-in story to note when Jim Kiick of the famed 1972 Miami Dolphins showed up looking for his cards at my garage sale.

Deadspin accepted it and ran the story.

All I have to say is, being a Raider fan, I can't help but think the football gods screwed up that day and sent Kenny Stabler wandering around a flea market outside of Miami.

Kids and TiVo

2005-12-12T17:33:00.000-05:00

WSJ.com's (and former "Talkin' Tech" co-host) Jason Fry touched on an interesting topic in his Real Time column today...how children growing up with TiVo might change the future of TV. Since it was a topic of interest and because I hate wasting long emails, here's how I replied to Jace, slightly edited to remove personal content.

---------------------

The wife and I started out with a 35 hour TiVo on our den TV and then with regular DirecTV receivers in our bedroom and in my office in the basement. In just over a year's time, we've upgraded everything so that we now have 70 hour TiVos in our den and in my office and the old 35 hour one has moved to our bedroom. Ignoring my grumbling, the wife insisted that we NOT get the more expensive, networkable Series 2 models and settled for the Series 1 models instead. Hey, I still have 70 hours of my own TiVo space, so I can't complain TOO much.

I've often wondered the same thing about Matt too, and exactly how it's going to affect his TV watching. But on a more elementary level. First, both you and I had an easy learning experience with TV when we were growing up. We knew how to turn the TV on and only had a limited number of channels to flip through (2 through 13, plus the UHF subset). There wasn't much of a learning curve to overcome...we just flipped through the channels (manually, at that) until we found something we liked.

But with TiVo, whoever is flipping through channels needs to have a basic knowledge of the language. Since it has a little green dot on the remote, the "power" button shouldn't be a problem. But if you're pre-schooler, how do you successfully navigate through hundreds of channels? You can go to the guide, but that requires reading. You can always go to the "Now Playing" list, but even that requires reading. But, hey, that might be a good thing. It would force them to read and, since there's only a limited amount of choices, they wouldn't be easily overwhelmed. I assume picking out "Sesame Street" and "Jack's Big Music Show" would be easily recognizable.

As for commercials, I think kids would watch them. Think about it...we didn't really get annoyed by commercials until we were older (well, at least I didn't). We just took them in as part of the entertainment. Hell, I actually found myself singing the "Merlin" toy commercial this weekend ("Now where's Merlin, where did he go, he's in the corner playing tic tac toe"). Besides, with our short attention spans, odds are we were probably distracted by something else and weren't glued to the TV absorbing every word being said. Besides, without commercials, how the hell would we know what toys to pester our parents for?

Where will we be two, five or ten years from now? It wouldn't surprise me to see networks pre-airing their shows on their website. (is anyone doing this already?) Create a buzz, tell people that an episode will be aired early via their website for a fee (complete with unsurpassable commercials), and then see who bites. This way the "cool" kids will know the story a day or two before the rest of the slackers who didn't download it. And then, of course, TVs/TiVos/DVRs will be geared to perform this download function as well so that you can watch the episode on your TV instead of your PC, which might further close the gap between TV and PC altogether. But that's probably reaching too far ahead.

Dammit

2005-12-10T10:52:00.000-05:00

So on top of coming home from AC at 4:30 this morning $100 in the hole, I go to use my computer to find out I have no internet connection. I go to bounce my wireless router to find out that there were no lights on it whatsoever. Tried jiggling the cord, plugging it into a different outlet...nothing. She's dead, Jim. Maybe now I can go buy me one of those new-fangled pre-N routers. In the meantime, at least I can blog from my Blackberry. But that router'll have to come later. Right now, sleep.

--------------------
Insert humorous tagline here.

Weather Channel 1, AccuWeather 0

2005-12-06T08:42:00.000-05:00

As I figured, since most of the weather forecasters got blindsided by the snow that hit us late Saturday-early Sunday, the next round of prognostications were drastically overstated. Just like any other news, bad news sells more than good news and, dammit, they weren't about to be surprised again.

Anyway, they openly stated that snowfall amounts last night would be sketchy since the path of the storm wasn't well defined. AccuWeather predicted 4"-6" for the Trenton area and one publication in South Jersey said as much as 8" could fall down there. However, I was a bit shocked when the Weather Channel (specifically weather.com) said only 1"-3" of snow was expected. The contest was on!

And the results were.....

A dusting in the Trenton area. Maybe an inch, if that. Possibly a little more, but it was still about half of what we got over the weekend. Hell, I don't think it's even worth hauling my ass out there to shovel. Even down south, they only received a few inches. So score one for the Weather Channel for calling it correctly. Hell, even they might have overstated it, but not to the tune of several inches more.

"Serving Size" meets "Reality"

2005-12-06T08:23:00.000-05:00

You've heard the complaints before. Companies often sell jumbo sized products in vending machines and the general public usually prefers blissful ignorance about the nutritional facts on the back. Sure it may say 110 calories for that soda, but closer inspection reveals that bottle holds, say, 1.5 servings, meaning that you're drinking 165 calories...not 110.

Here's an odd example I came across today...we purchased one of those Christmas "countdown" calendars with chocolates inside each little door. And Deb found a good one...not crappy, tiny chocolate coins like we got last year, these puppies are 1" by 2" solid bricks of chocolate. Anyway, as I scarfed down the candy for December 6th, I wondered exactly what damage I was doing. I checked the back of the calendar (you gotta love the oddity of a calendar having nutritional information) and it said 220 calories, 13 grams of fat. I had to do a double take on that since, although the chocolate was pretty good, it wasn't THAT good. I mean, was there a secret coating of lard and butter around it that I didn't detect? I looked closer at the label and it indicated "Serving Size: 4 pieces". Now that made more sense...but at the same time it made LESS sense. It's a daily countdown calendar...who throws back four pieces at a time? Do they expect you to wait in four day intervals and then binge? The only realistic time I can see this happening is if someone bought the calendar cheap on 12/20 and then went to town trying to catch up.

Whoa, that's a great idea. I see some discount shopping in my near future!

Snow Sucks

2005-12-04T20:53:00.000-05:00

There was a time I used to enjoy snow, but now I just deem it an inconvenience. I think that once I grew out of building snowmen and sledding and became responsible for shoveling my driveway and sidewalk, the honeymoon ended. Strike two was when I started driving, which is when snow impeded my ability to go places. And strike three was when I lived in the 'Burg and had to park on the street. Snow meant you had to shovel out your car and then put out the chairs to "reserve" your spot (ala the city "code of honor", which still remains a point of dispute).

But things may be looking a bit brighter. Today I got to pull Matt in his sled around the yard and it reminded me how fun snow can be.

That, and in about 12 years, I can make HIM shovel the damn snow.

#$@&%!

2005-12-02T02:43:00.000-05:00

Why do @#$%&! smoke detector batteries only die in the middle of the night!? Seriously, who here has ever had the infamous low-battery chirp begin at, say, noon? It doesn't happen. I swear, these things are programmed to only start chirping at 2:15 AM.

Resurrecting the Dead in Trenton

2005-12-01T12:11:00.000-05:00

Trenton's rung up it's record 29th murder victim in 2005 with another full month to go. Ahhh, how I pine for my old Chambersburg life, with neighbors walking pit bulls and the undeterminable stench eminating from somewhere near Hamilton Ave. I miss peering out my window at 3 AM to make sure no one's broken into my car...again.

The best part of that article though, is this line: "Since 1971 and 1979 the record stood at 27 deaths."

What exactly does that mean? Usually records are stationary...they stand until they are broken by a larger number. Did someone come back to life in 1972, forcing them to readjust the 1971 number...which then was rebroken by another 27 murders in 1979? And they didn't mean "between" since the new record of #28 was just established on Monday (and subsequently broken on Tuesday). If they meant the record number of 27 just repeated itself in 1979, just say so. Don't use the word "since"...that doesn't make any sense. That's like saying "I've been sober since January and June".

I say there's some undead walking out there in the streets of Trenton. No way all those staggering dead-eyed people were just drunks. Although I didn't hear many of them calling for brraaaaaaaains.

Maybe they had just eaten.

A Present for You Giants Fans

2005-11-28T12:03:00.000-05:00

Sorry guys, this is too good to pass up.

Here's the scene: There's four seconds left in regulation in the Giants-Seahawks game yesterday and the score is tied 21-21. The Giants have driven down the field and are a very makeable 40-yard field goal away from winning. Let's all watch Giants TE Jeremy Shockey shimmy and shake just as he's discovering that their kicker missed it. The Seahawks wound up winning the game in OT, 24-21.

If it's any consolation to you Giants fans, at least your team is probably going to the playoffs, unlike the 4-7 Raiders.

Armenia and Australia, Hello!

2005-11-27T07:12:00.000-05:00

So a few days ago, I decide to try out Site Meter to get better details about traffic to my web site. I knew a few people were visiting my site, but someone else had to be accounting for some of those 2,000+ hits I've received since I started this in July. Aside from typical daily visit numbers, Site Meter pulls in some really neat stats, such as location of the IP address they're coming from and what the referring URL was (aka another blog, a search website, etc.).

The results were surprising. The hits from Nevada and Minnesota I didn't expect, but then I started getting hits from Australia, Canada and...Armenia?? Upon further investigation, what I discovered was a little less shocking...MSN, like everything else they do, sucks at searches. Let's just say that searches for "dissertation on kidnapping" pulled up one of my posts. So, there you go...now I'm a foremost authority on terrorism.

Shake shake shake. Shake shake shake. Shake your goose eggs.

2005-11-25T05:58:00.000-05:00

In a welcome story yesterday, federal officials have acknowledged "unhealthy" levels of Canada geese in NJ and have announced plans to reduce the birds' numbers. This is good news for just about everyone in Mercer County who has to dodge these beasts and their droppings every time they go to the park.

What's funny about this, though, is one of the "plans" they have to accomplish this..."under the new measures, which take effect Dec. 17, private land owners will be allowed to destroy nests or shake geese eggs, which prevents them from hatching, without first getting a permit from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service."

C'mon. First of all, who even HAS an issue with geese in their backyard, let alone nesting there. Second of all, who the hell in their right mind would run up to a nest, vigorously shake the eggs, and then take off? Wouldn't the mother goose be angry? I mean, these sons of bitches are vicious enough when you dare to walk near their flock at the park. I can't imagine their demeanor when some nut comes sneaking around their nest.

And how would one accomplish that anyway? I imagine it would have to be a two or three party system, with one person being the shaker and the others being responsible for causing a distraction...perhaps drawing the mother goose away with bread or nursery rhymes. And it would also have to be a family affair since I can't imagine convincing my friends to embark on such an expidition. You'd really have to pull a good bait and switch on them to get that to happen...maybe get everyone together early to go to a ball game, and then sucker them in with the old "while you guys are here, do you mind..." line. Plus, you'd have to make sure you did the shaking yourself, because you run the risk of one of your friends wussing out at the last second.

This measure at least has some plausible points such as allowing hunts by airports and allowing park officials more leeway in destroying them. Unfortunately, I can't see the latter ever happening around here since the liberal Princeton crowd (yooooou heard me) would be in an uproar about killing animals. I, of course, feel just the opposite and welcome all attempts to brings these birds to an untimely demise. As sick as this sounds, one of the funniest goose stories I've ever read was when, a few years ago, someone was charged with animal cruelty when they smashed in a goose's head with nunchakus at Mercer County Park after the goose went after his young son. Of course, I think it was more the shock value...that someone was so pissed that he took a martial arts weapon to do the bird in...that had me laughing more than anyone else. The fact that this guy took nunchakus to the park probably indicates that he was looking for trouble in the first place so, in retrospect, the summons was warranted...but it was still funny.

Anyway, if we can get it by the protesting Princetonians, I recommend shutting the parks down for a few days and letting the hunters go wild. Hell, make it a local event at the park the following weekend...Mercer Goosefest 2005. All kinds of goose delicacies...goose burgers, goose gyros, kids with goose hats on, you name it.

New Matthew pics

2005-11-23T03:17:00.000-05:00

Matt's professional one-year shots can be found here. Pout, baby, pout.

Enough with the leaves already

2005-11-22T06:45:00.000-05:00

11 bags. Shredded. If I didn't have one of those yard vacuum/chipper thingies grinding them into a fine powder that would be, like, 55 bags of leaves. And that was the front and sides of my house. I had to cry no mas at 4 PM on Saturday when I was just finishing up just outside the window where my son went down for a nap. Next up is the backyard, which is a nightmare over by the apple trees. And now it's raining, meaning it's going to be an added mess this weekend. Living in the desert suddenly seems attractive.

Almost Almost-Famous, Part Two

2005-11-09T23:54:00.000-05:00

Now that I've entertained everyone with how I got picked to co-host a talk show for WSJ Radio and subsequently left you hanging for a week, let me continue with the story. (I'm too cheap and lazy to construct a wavy Flash fade-out, so you'll have to use your imagination.)

So the auditions were on. Jason Fry and I began our Friday two-a-day 30 minute demo tapes in hopes that one of the fledgling satellite radio companies (Sirius or XM) would show an interest. Now that I would be on radio, it opened my eyes to a whole new world of idiosyncrasies that I never knew existed. Never drink coffee before a show because it will affect your voice. Be careful how you speak and don't pop your P's. Recognizing that "Emmys" music in your ears so that you know you have to wrap up your topic fast since a break was approaching...plus you had to get your "outro" in before you "hit the post". Learning that 30 seconds is a LONG time for radio and that you can say more than you think (to quote our producer, Paul Herrmann, "you can drive a truck through it"). And, of course, proper on-air banter to make sure neither one of us got too obscure and to "dumb it down" and ask questions of each other if one of us started to get too technical.

The topics we bandied about were typical of the time. Some didn't date so well (all the different Pets.com-type companies, WebVan and web-enabled devices and subsequent future of the PC) while others would still be viable topics today (privacy, piracy (which I still say will never fully be stopped), the future of Napster (and Jace's astute "Whack-a-Mole" theory), stopping spam and online gambling). And one topic that would be an odd foreshadowing of the future of the show...dot-com disasters.

So Jace and I did this for several months. Every week we'd debate topics, show up on Friday to record two shows and then hope for the best. Around January of 2001, I left my position at the help desk in NYC and started a new position in a different department on the South Brunswick campus. So I had a new job to learn, and now a new commute to face, having to go back to NY every Friday morning to tape the shows. But I wouldn't have traded it for anything. Doing the show was one of the most fun things I've ever done in my life.

But unfortunately, it wasn't to be. The dot-com disasters had taken their toll on Dow Jones. With all those companies failing, Dow Jones and the Wall Street Journal lost a ton of advertising dollars. As a result, in May of that year Dow Jones faced one of the largest series of cuts in its history. Hundreds of people were laid off and, since our project was never picked up by XM or Sirius (despite plenty of teases), it too received the axe.

So, that's it. We came close, but were ultimately done in by the dot-com fallout and its effect on DJ and the overall economy. As I mentioned before, it was great while it lasted, but I never had any sense of false optimism. I was never a radio guy and to be presented with this opportunity was unexpected. If it had ever gotten off the ground, I expected to be replaced with someone better. I won't dwell too much on self-deprecation, but I know the limitations of my talents...I could have named at least four other people in the DJ IT department alone who could have done a better job than me.

So although I didn't get my 15 minutes of fame then, perhaps some other time. If not, oh well. Now that I have a blog, I'll be famous eventually! Until then, this will be my claim to almost-fame. I hope to one day have "He almost was on radio" etched on my tombstone, complete with a link to this article (because by then, tombstones will be interactive).

For anyone wishing to hear one of our old shows, click here. The topic was about the different methods of ripping songs to MP3 files and the different bit rates (I focused on 128, 160 and 192 kbps but still smack myself to this day for not knowing of VBR at the time).

Also, a big thanks to Flexo of Consumerism Commentary for hosting this file.

Almost Almost-Famous, Part One

2005-11-07T21:56:00.000-05:00

*UPDATE* - Click here to see Jason Fry's "Heeding Digital Music's Call" article, in which Jason references one of our test shows from early 2001. This article is from 2003 so the links to the songs and our show are no longer available, but I might be able to get a clip of our show up soon!

With all the recent Gettysburg trip, adoption ordeal, Halloween and baby stuff going on, it just hit me this morning that it’s been just over five years since two major events happened in my life. The first was the closing on my first ever house, which happened on 11/1/00. But, while buying my first house was certainly a big deal, it’s what happened in the minutes PRECEDING the house closing that was incredible.

Imagine the scene. I’m sitting at the title agency waiting for what was about to become the biggest event in my life at that time. I’m finally moving out of the Chambersburg row house I lived in for the last 12 years and am about to become a home owner in the neighborhood I just about grew up in. So as I’m waiting for all the parties to arrive, I get a call on my cell phone from Wall Street Journal Radio.

Now, at the time, I was the supervisor at the News Help Desk for Dow Jones. We were just recently moved from the South Brunswick campus to Manhattan (across the street from the then-standing World Trade Center). Being the “News” help desk, we pretty much handled anything WSJ related and anything based out of NYC.

But I was on vacation this week, having taken a week off to handle all the “new house” related duties. I was curious as to the nature of the call but, being management, I was a trooper and answered it. It turns out the person from WSJ Radio wasn’t calling to complain or report a problem, but to ask me if I was interested in co-hosting a tech show for WSJ Radio. Now, if I had gotten a communications degree in college and maybe worked in radio, this wouldn’t have shocked me. But given my current resume, I would have had an equal chance of sitting on a park bench feeding pigeons while someone came up to me and asked me if I wanted to do weather reports for Channel 10 News.

So, uh, yeah. I said yes.

Why me? During a couple of my PR visits to the WSJ Radio department, I managed to hit it off pretty well with their boss. She had some questions about PCs and I answered her questions the best I could. Apparently, she liked my delivery and style and, unbeknownst to me, considered me as a potential co-host on a “help desk” show they were pondering. She had mentioned it to me in passing before but, being my typical oblivious self, never thought I was a candidate.

Anyway, the show was a project in the making and was going to be shopped around to XM and Sirius, who where the players in the brand-spanking-new satellite radio industry. The decided format was going to be a “tech talk” type of show where we would talk about current events, neat gadgets and offer our perspective on them. I would be co-hosting the show with WSJ.com tech editor Jason Fry (who is currently the man behind WSJ.com’s “Real Time” column, one half of the WSJ.com “Daily Fix” column and 0.5 of the madcap duo behind the “Faith and Fear in Flushing” Mets blog). That and the dude went to Yale. Compared to my 2-year degree at Mercer County Community College (aka MC³), the talent drop-off was destined to be enormous. Co-host my ass, I was about to pull a Tonto to his Lone Ranger, with him rescuing me from the rowdy locals every week. But despite his lengthy resume and credentials we managed to hit it off pretty well. He liked the Simpsons, Star Wars, and sports. God, did he love sports. Everything was going to be oooookay.

Coming soon: Jace and Doobie behind the mic